Tag Archives: sex

Purity Check: That’s Not What You want…

Hey ladies!

& gents who always sneak in! 👀

lol..

Tonight’s blog will be very short.

This blog is dedicated to everyone who’s walking in purity.

I pray that by reading this I can help encourage you to keep on keeping on! ☺️

I don’t know about y’all..

but lately

I have been going through…😓

Within the past few days, I literally have been burning in my stomach and craving sex! So much so, to where ignoring my urges have literally brought me to tears.

I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been praying for my husband lately, (and that’s causing me to think about him more), or if it’s just my body naturally getting tired of waiting.

But,

whatever it is..

I AM ON THE EDGE!!!

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Yesterday,

January 24, 2019; was such a long day.

Although, it was a good day, it was still long.

When I got home from work, I snatched my clothes off, ran me a hot bubble bath 🛁 & slid into the bathtub.

Sitting, soaking, & enjoying my relaxation. I started to think.

I couldn’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve even kissed a man..

March, 2019 will start my 6th year of purity

(Although, I celebrate it every year on May 31st, I was actually walking in purity a few months before I actually dedicated my body to God.)

Anywho,…

Thinking of this,

I became weary…

As I pondered on my husband..

  • Where we would meet?
  • Who is he?
  • How does he look?
  • What’s his favorite food?

(Blah-blah)

Slowly, my mind began to shift from pure and curious, to nasty and naughty. Knowing I could not go there, I jumped out of the tub and began to cast those thoughts down.

Except I forgot one thing..

I had to dry myself off and put lotion on..

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Oh Lord Jesus

Please…

Just let him come through the window right now, I thought.

The thoughts to please my flesh came right back! Except this time, they were much stronger!

As I contemplated doing something I know I’ve been delivered from; I exclaimed to myself, “No Takyah! You can’t do that!” I found the nearest piece of clothing, threw it on, and hopped into bed.

 I spoke in tongues for a few minutes..

For a moment, I seemed to be okay.

But..

just when I thought it was over,

💥 Boom!💥

A rush of adrenaline, ungodly thoughts and urges hit me all at once.

As I became weak, my hands started to go where I did not want them to go, but before I could do anything,

The Lord called my name…

Takyah.”

I paused for a few seconds and became still. I wanted to ignore Him, go do my thang, and then come back and repent.

Although I was still..

I did not respond.

As I contemplated on what I should do, He called my name again.

Takyah.”

This time more firm.

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I peaked my head from under the covers.

Yes Lord?” 😔

I was expecting him to say something like, Now you know better than that. But He didn’t.

He simply said,

That is not what you want.”

Pondering what He meant by that, I sat up in my bed. And said, “What Lord?”

And He said it again,

That is not what you want daughter.”

“What you want, is a husband.”

Knowing what He said was so true. I immediately burst into tears😭!

As I was crying, the Lord comforted me and told me that my husband would be here very soon. He then told me to go to sleep.

I am not sure if He put me to sleep or what, (because He has put me to sleep in the past) However, less than a minute later, I was knocked out cold. (It was only 8pm)

So when I woke up today,

I had a revelation of what God meant when He said, “That’s not what you want.”

And this is what I got from it,

Many times, we let our bodies, our minds, our urges, our impatience to wait on God, and everything else control us and force us into doing something we really don’t want to do.

Whether it be, calling an ex, watching pornography, masturbating or all of the above.

I am here to tell you that

THAT

is not what you want..

It’s deeper than that.

You think you want to have sex with your ex, but what you really want is to be loved.

But because you don’t believe that God will give you someone who will truly love you, you settle and keep going back to a toxic relationship.

You think you want to watch pornography, but what you really want is true intimacy.

But because you doubt you’ll ever have that with someone, you create false intimacy and imaginations in your heart and settle for lust & loneliness.

You think you want to masturbate (preaching to myself now), but what you really want, is to feel cherished and safe.

But because you’ve been waiting for sooo longg.. you think God has forgotten about you and instead of waiting for your wedding night (which will be so much more mind blowing), you settle for false fantasies and self gratification that only lasts a few seconds.

Y’all…

Just

Don’t

Do

It!

Don’t bend to your flesh,

Don’t bow to your urges

I know it is EXTREMELY HARD at times not to do…

But I am here with you…

So, tonight I want you to check your heart, ask The Lord to help you with any urges you may have.

He knows we live in a fleshly body, He knows how difficult living the “pure life” can be, he is not far from our human experiences. However, He conquered it all so we could walk in victory just like He did..

You don’t have to pick up the phone and call that toxic person…

You don’t have to go to that website and get bound to pornography again..

Neither do you have to let your hands touch places they shouldn’t…

Y’all it is HARDDDDDD!!! 😭😭😭

But I promise I am here..

And we are in this thing together…

Don’t settle tonight.

or ever in life.

Because once you do,

You’ll realize…

That’s not what you really want..

Love,

🌸 Takyah 🌸

P.S. If You’ve Never Read My book, “Purity over PASSION.” Right Now I’m having a sale on Amazon Kindle and It’s only $2.99! Click The picture below to read a sample! It’s an amazing read!

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5 Things The Celibate Woman Doesn’t Have to Deal With!

No matter how much men or other women try to make you feel like you’re losing.

If you’re living a lifestyle of purity,

You are winning sis! 

Whether you’re a virgin or a woman who’s dedicated her body back to God, you’re on the right team!

Society makes being celibate seem so ancient; so outdated, but truth never changes. Just because every woman around you seems to be dishing out their goodies and having men by the dozen doesn’t mean they’re winning.

In today’s blog, “5 Things the Celibate Woman Doesn’t Have to Deal with.” I will be discussing some of the benefits of why waiting for marriage is both beneficial and necessary.

Let’s dive in!

1. No Confusion

Because I’m waiting until marriage. Confusion rarely hits my life. Now there have been some times when I’ve gotten “a little off” because I thought it would work out with someone and it ended up not working out, but other than that, nothing drastic has happened in my emotional psyche.

When you have sex before marriage, confusion will be your plight. If a man is “putting it down” on you, but is treating you like dirt. The way he makes your body feel will clash with his actual behavior. Sex was designed by God to be a final tie between two souls, it’s the sealing of a covenant promise. Because sex is so powerful, God never intended for it to be used as a trial run. When you have sex with someone, you’re merging together your souls, your wills and your emotions.

Now wonder women who have sex before marriage are always confused and go back and forward with a man, (even after he’s shown his true colors); that’s because, the two of them have intertwined and become one in both the spirit & the natural.

However, if you keep your goodies to yourself, you wont have to worry about any of that!

⭐️NOTE: Think about what you’re joining yourself up with. Ask yourself is this man really worth it?

2. Celibate Women Won’t Get Tricked

Some men come into your life for one thing,

& one thing only.

And that my ladies

is to get a piece of your cookie.

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Now, all men are not like this, however for the ones who are, guess what?

If that’s all he wants, it wont matter anyway because you’re not having sex! Lol. It’s a win, win sis! Usually, men who don’t get what they want will leave anyway.

I’ve had men try me, from the least to the greatest of them. Some of who were rich, fine and even godly… but when they saw I wasn’t going for it, they left.

Instead of being left crying or in a state of “acrimony” because a man used me, I was left shouting and praising God that I kept myself and didn’t fall for the “I’m gonna marry you anyway.” lie. Annoyed woman, stop it

3. No Sex Runs Away the Fakes 

I remember a few years back talking to this man. He had his own business and was a very handsome chocolate 🍫 drop!

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After a couple weeks of flirting, and talking. As we were planning our first date, the sex subject came up and I was very upset!

At the time I didn’t want to tell him I wasn’t having sex until marriage because I really liked this man. And just like I knew telling men this had ran many of them off in the past, I didn’t want to risk losing him too.

But…I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide this forever so, I decided to tell him anyway…

To my surprise the conversation actually turned out okay. In fact, this man said he had a new respect for me. He actually praised me for it!

He told me plainly,

“Look Takyah, I cant lie, I do want to have sex with you but I gotta respect your decision. That’s kind of cool how you’re waiting for your husband, but I cant do it. I wish you the best and I hope whoever marries you knows what he got.”

We talked a few times after that and then he stopped calling. But once again I was happy because I didn’t compromise. We simply stated what we wanted in a relationship and we didn’t match up, and that’s okay!

But guess who left that thing soul tie free???

😁😁This girl!!😁😁

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4. There Is No Mystery To You

My mom always told me that when a man really wants you, you will know.

She said,

A man will come across the world for the woman he loves.

I couldn’t agree more ma! 😉

There was this friend of mine who found herself in a relationship with a man who drove her crazy (in a good way). He catered to her, opened up doors for her, and literally praised the ground she walked on. He came by her house, fixed some broken things and even included her children in their dates a few times.

She was so ecstatic that she wanted to reward him for his kind deeds. I spoke with her and told her,

Sis, if you want to reward a man, there are a million things you can do other than sex, you can buy him this new game he’s been talking about getting for his playstation, you can cook his favorite meal and surprise him with a candle light dinner, or you can buy him a ticket to go see his favorite NBA teamIf you want to reward him, do one of those things! But whatever you do, Do Not Sleep with this man!”

She said she wouldn’t and I was happy to know she was going to take my advice.

One day I stopped by her house to bring her some lasagna I’d made and walking out of the front door was her new man; when I walked in and saw what she had on I was very angry.

There she was with booty shorts on, a tank top and a push up bra. Everything she had to offer was on display.

I told her, “I thought we were going to keep it classy?”

Her excuse was that it was hot outside. Although I knew what she was trying to do, (because I myself am a woman) I simply shook my head, placed the lasagna on the counter and left.

A few weeks later she called me pouting and throwing a tantrum. When I asked her why was she upset? I already knew the answer.. She told me they ended up having sex a few days after I’d come over and now this man stopped returning her calls, and if he did pick up the phone, his excuse for not talking to her was that he was busy.

What she failed to realize was this,

the man she was dating was a business man who was all about investments. After speaking with him a few times myself, I could clearly see that he was truly looking for a wife, he was in his late 30’s and he was tired of dating women and having relationships that never went anywhere.

That’s why when she presented herself as a wife, he treated her like a wife, he was genuinely happy to know he’d finally found a woman worth his time. But when she thought she had this man in the bag and started portraying herself as a sex object, he saw her as a bad investment. She questioned how could he switch just like that? It’s because the mystery of who she was disappeared after sex.

⭐️NOTE: Once you give up your cookie there is nothing left that you can offer or entice a man with.

Withhold your mystery ladies, that’s what keeps a man going and wondering what you’re like. Your diamond is the highest card you can play in this courting game and marriage is a mans highest card. Don’t you dare play your highest card until after he’s played his.

5. You’re Not Blindsided by Lust

Another thing I love about being celibate is that I get to see how much a man really wants me, or… how much he doesn’t.

Either way I benefit!

When you choose to wait, you get to experience love at it’s highest level. The relationship can blossom freely without lust or confusion getting in the way. Plus, you get to see the other person for who they really are.

Sex, as I’ve said it before can make you think that a person is great when in actuality they’re terrible. Because sex releases all these chemicals that makes a woman feel safe and bond with a man, it blurs your perception of how you see him, while on the contrary not having sex makes everything crystal clear 😁!

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I get to see a mans attitude, how he treats me, how he responds to me, if he’s selfish, if he’s mean. I get to see all of that with a clear view and unclouded judgement. Then, once I’ve gotten to know him a little better and seen him for who he really is, I get to decide if I want to be with this man or not.

But, if you give it all away to a man at the very beginning you’ll get to see none of that! Not only will your judgement be cloudy, but you don’t even know if he’s going to stick around to show you anything else about him.

NOTE: Sex is not the cake 🍰

It’s simply the icing on what the two of you have built through communication, prayer, love, support and respect. If the two of you have built something like that, then sex after marriage is only going to enhance that love! But if you’ve built your relationship on sex, compromise, lust and sin, then your foundation for marriage will be rocky.

That’s of course if the two of you even get married..

but that’s none of my business

But-Thats-None-Of-My-Business

I’m simply here to share with you why being Celibate trumps Sex before marriage!

Hope you could take something from this!

As always, love you ladies and Gents who snuck in! (lol)

Until next time!

Love,

Takyah Love

🎶Celibacy Blues🎶

⭐️⭐️THIS BLOG IS RATED: M⭐️⭐️

             (For Mature Readers Only)

Ladies!

Ladies!

L…A…D…I…E…S!!! 

Oh, I have missed you girls sooo much!! I feel like I’ve been away from you for far too long!! Nevertheless, I am here! And ready to talk!!
                               So, let’s talk!

One of the questions I get asked often as a young single (23) who’s abstaining is, “How in the heck, are you doing it??
When asked this question, I usually signal them for a private seat in the corner where we both pull up a chair & talk about it!

                    Cause honey…it ain’t easy!

From trying out tips on google, to doing funny things *married people advised me; one tip for instance, was to”Go take a cold Shower!” 🙄

Honey…I done did it all!!!

In today’s blog, 🎶Celibacy Blues🎶 I am going to share with you some of the tips that have actually worked for me in the past & are still working for me now

                             You ready?!?

Okay. Let’s Go!!

🍒💍 Celibacy in effect: Dating 💍🍒

1.Setting Boundaries.

Boundaries: something that indicates bounds or limits; a line you don’t cross once stated or drawn.

Over the course of my years. I’ve heard many church people say that “Dating is wrong!” and “Christians shouldn’t date!”
But, the problem is not dating the problem is *how a person dates… When it comes to “celibacy & dating” one of the most important things I’ve learned is to establish CLEAR boundaries!

⭐️ NOTE: Without boundaries, your flesh won’t know how far it can go before the answer is no.

A long time ago…
(after making my vow to GodI began dating this handsome football player.
We went out on a few dates, talked on the phone, hung out in his car & listened to old school music. Overall, dating him was fun.

One night around 9 p.m.
I invited him over to my house for a date! Our plans were to watch a movie & order pizza.🍕

The movie hadn’t been on for (5 minutes) before this man started rubbing my thighs & back-endI tried politely telling him “No.”
                 But he wasn’t listening! 
After a few more minutes of asking him to stop & constantly having to move his hand;
I hopped out of bed. And for the first time in my life. I showed a man to the door…

I deleted his number & never called him again.

Now let me go back to what I said earlier. It was not dating him that made it wrong. It was HOW I was dating him.

First of All…

WHAT IN THE WORLD?? Was this man doing coming over to my house at 9 p.m?! Secondly, Why were we laying in my bed watching the movie? (when that same “big screen” is in the Living Room) & lastly, Why was I lying my head on this mans chest? (knowing good-n-well, a man is naturally going to want to hold & touch a woman.)

 THIS IS WHY BOUNDARIES MUST BE SET 

We cannot put ourselves in situations that God is not apart of and then get mad at the man if something “else” happens! Or worse! Get mad at God for not stopping it!

Although, its true that God will provide a way out of tempting situations. Why put yourself in a place that requires Flesh Testing.
In the heat🔥of the moment…who’s to say if you will take that way out or not?

Here’s some Tips that can help:

  • Date “godly men” who are on the same page as you! (don’t talk to anyone who is trying to add you to his “list” of women he’s slept with)
  • Date with a purpose in mind. (some men are sent with assignments from Hell just to be distractions) 

*Remember? We discussed this in; Three Ways to Know If a Man is Heaven sent or Hell sent.

  • Don’t put yourself in unnecessary situations that makes your flesh battle! (coming in your house with him late at night & planning dates to spend over at *his crib* are recipes for disasters!) 
  • Extinguish the flame before it starts! (Don’t wait till both of y’all are standing naked looking at each other to say, (Lord Help.)

Nip that bud in the beginning!

  • Move his hand from off your thigh!
  • Turn down Marvin Gaye & Lenny Williams!!!

And for Pete’s sake, if y’all do decide to kiss before marriage.

               DON’T ADD THAT TONGUE!!! 

 

🍒💍Celibacy in effect: Lustful Thoughts💍🍒

2. Casting Down Imaginations. 

Here is where it gets real… 

For years I battled with thoughts.

  • Nasty thoughts. 
  • Perverted thoughts. 
  • And pornography.

             (The Lord told me to be real)

I would watch nasty movies and then tell myself I’m going to do all those things to my husband when I got married!
I would browse for hours ⏰ just watching movies and studying sex because I wanted to be the best.

I will never forget this day…

I was sitting in my room meditating on the intimate part of being married. I envisioned me and some (*made up husband) having sex!

Then after about 30 minutes of heating my mind and body up with all those sexual thoughts 💭.

I fell to my knees and screamed to the top of my lungs… 

LORD!!! I NEED MY HUSBAND!!! Pleassseee Lord!!!!!
You gotta send him now Lord!!! HELPPPPP!!!!!

Y’all, I’m so glad God didn’t answer those lustful frantic prayers I use to pray. Cause 3 years ago, I was definitely not ready for a husband!!

Although God didn’t answer my prayers like I wanted him to; he did respond!

He gave me the solution to my problem in one sentence.

He said,

“You don’t need a husband…what you need is self control.”

I could not believe this!

    Did God just get smart with me????

Although, I now understand, God’s wonderful grace & mercy! Back then I didn’t!

Here I was…packing my mind with garbage! Then expecting God to come & rescue me once I’d finished polluting my mind…
Instead of meditating on”being married & having sex.

I should’ve been meditating on scriptures such as these:

  • ⭐️Philippians 4:8- Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
  • ⭐️2 Corinthians 10:5-Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
  • ⭐️Romans 8:3-For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.

How crazy of me to think that those things were okay! Just because I wasn’t “having sex” doesn’t mean I was free to do whatever I wanted! *Pornography & having a lustful heart* are just as bad as sex! No matter what people may tell you! (Including fellow Christians!)

Honey please….sin is sin!

Tips to Help:

  • Replace Lustful thoughts with the word of God! (When the Lord first started telling me to speak his word over my mind. I thought 💭”Is this really gonna help me?”)

*However, the more I started speaking his word, the less the thoughts came! Before I knew it, I hadn’t watched pornography in a whole month! Then 2 months! Then 3! Till one day I thought about how long it had been and to my surprise, a whole year had passed!! And by that time I was so over it! Instead of clicking on those “pop ups” I began praying in tongues & speaking against it! 

  • Stay away from movies with too much flesh in them! (One thing I practice greatly is watching what I set before my eyes. I don’t watch anything that excites my flesh. (*cough* cough*) That means movies like: “The Notebook” & “Baby boy 🚲“(for my urban movie sistas) are off limits! Okay?? 
  • We have to ask God for help! (No matter how righteous we may think we are. We all need Jesus and his grace! It only takes a second to fall. So, continue to ask God for his help!) 

There have been times when I cried out for help, because my body became 🔥hot & 😫unbearable!

And in those times the Lord helped me so much!

This one time I kneeled down to pray for strength & before I could finish praying, The Holy Ghost literally punched me into a deep sleep!!

When I woke up hours later, alllll those feelings were gone!

However, when I get to Heaven…We still gonna’ have to talk about that punch though…🤔


🍒💍Celibacy in effect: The Promise💍🍒

3. I’ve Come to Far…

When I think of Jesus…

I simply cannot do it.

Ya’ll, I love him so much! I just cannot go out there and sin against him! Although, we all have our battles and deal with flesh! There are just some sins… I must refuse.

           God ordained “Sex” for marriage…

                           (nothing else)

Not for a boyfriend. Not for a girlfriend. Not for a fiancee’ and not for ourselves (sex toys)

So, if God wants me to wait till marriage… Then I will. When I made up my mind to give my body to God; I meant what I said, and he has given me the grace to keep my vow.

I have not kissed, been held, been touched or any of the like for years now!

(May 2017 will begin my 4th year of Celibacy)

This is not to brag; this is to give any of you who may want to take the “celibacy challenge” with me hope. I’m telling you sis, it is so worth it!! Not only do I avoid frivolous “soul ties” but I can wake up every morning with a smile on my face; knowing I didn’t give my body to *some man last night (soley for the illusion of love.) 

Now, I could go on and on about the benefits… but I won’t.

I’m going to give you just one more, then I’m done.

I know I said “Not to think of your husband* but this time I want you to imagine him…

It’s your wedding night, you have on this pretty little thing that you bought especially for this night…and as you lay down…you get the pleasure of telling him,

                       “I waited for you.

Not, “Oh, I slept with Tom in February, Dick in March and then Harry in May.”

When you are tempted to have sex, stop & think about him; and how much he will appreciate you for saying “No.” to all those other guys..just to wait for him…

Now that sisIs worth it!

Love,

🌸Takyah Love🌸