Tag Archives: dating

3 Turn Offs For A Strong Woman!

There is nothing like finding a strong woman.

She’s reliable.

She’s smart.

She’s beautiful.

She’s honest.

And most of all she’s strong.

That’s why you want to keep her right?

Right.

Well fellas, today’s blog, “3 Ways To Turn Off A Strong Woman” is ALL ABOUT YOU. I want you to make the right decisions when dating this kind of woman so that when you get her, you wont lose her. One thing about it, strong women are worth the effort and work, but we can be pretty hard to get.

Lets dive right in guys! 

1. Being Too Sensitive

Women love a guy who’s in touch with his sensitive side.

But…

Not too much in touch..

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Then we’ll start to wonder.

If a woman has to constantly baby you all the time, she will cringe in her stomach. There is nothing more beautiful to a woman than seeing her man be all big and strong and confident! However, if that confidence breaks in a second due to someone cracking a joke or hurting her mans feelings. She will be a tad bit disturbed inside.

How do I know?

Because I once dated a guy like this and lets just say I quickly cut him off. He was always whining about this and that and crying over such small matters. One day when I was listening to him whine, I literally stopped what I was doing to sit back & listen to him. In my head I was thinking💭 “Oh, my gosh dude, your like 6 feet tall and 230 pounds and you’re whining everyday like this?”

So Annoying.

Fellas,  if you want to keep her around, don’t be too sensitive. Seeing a big, strong, handsome man cry at the drop of a hat and get offended every day is just not cute. That’s a chore I will leave another woman to do. I will not be babying 🍼 a grown man every day.

Catering, serving and spoiling him??

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Yes! 

Babying, apologizing every 5 seconds and walking on eggshells for him??

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Uhm…No!

Before I get to the next point I want to leave you a little checklist. So you can kind of know when it’s okay to cry and when it’s not.

Reasons to Cry

  • Worshiping God or In The Presence of God. (Yes baby, Cry away! That is beautiful!)
  • Wedding Day!
  • You and your wife’s first baby (over filled with joy)
  • Loss of a loved one. (Of course. Cry for weeks, months, take all the time you need dear!)
  • Other happy events like graduation, engagement, kids first day at school, accomplishing a big task or a dream coming true. (etc.) (Yes all those are cute).

Reasons NOT to cry

  • Someone checked you. (Simply check back and laugh about it).
  • Your girl tells you, maybe you should wear something else. (Just change the clothes, don’t take it to heart. Men help us get ready all the time! We’ll say “Honey is this cute?” and if he says “No.” Guess what? We put on something else! It’s not that big of a deal).
  • You lost while playing a video game. (seriously guys?)
  • Your girl doesn’t like the gift you bought her. (Next time take her shopping and let her pick out what she wants. You may not be a good gift giver and that’s okay! usually men aren’t.)

But pleasssseee don’t cry about it! 😓 geeshhh…

Moving On!

2. Playing Games

Oh my goodness, I cannot stress this enough. Men are game players by nature. They have been playing them since the beginning of time. Little boys start out playing with action figures, toy cars, Mario kart, (etc.) and as they get older, it turns into basketball, football, playing pool, madden.

Women however played with baby dolls, (preparing us for children), doll houses (preparing us for a family and a home), and we played with cooking stoves and easy bake ovens (preparing us to cook). So we are a little more serious about relationships naturally than men are.

And that’s okay. 

We’re supposed to balance each other out.

However, playing games on a woman, (especially a strong woman) is not good…

Not good at all…

Saying you’ll call her back later, only not to call her because you want to act tough and regain some stupid power back that you feel you’ve lost is stupid. So is, playing some egotistical logic on her, that you and your clueless buddies came up with.

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Fellas, those things will not show her anything.

But she, however, will show you the BLOCK zone.

Few Other Games Not to Play

  • The Not Keeping Your Word Game, Telling her you’ll do things and then don’t, is a quick way to get dismissed as well.
  • The Fall Back Game, mature women will not try to guess why you all of sudden fell back, if you repeatedly do this after she’s spoken to you about her feelings, she will start to ignore you and all your past efforts would have been wasted.
  • The Reverse Psychology and trying to make a woman figure you out Game, look guys, dating is already strenuous as it is, and women don’t need all that extra drama that unstable men sometimes bring to the table, being wishy washy is a game strong women will not play.

You will be playing all those games by yourself.

So, fellas don’t play games with a strong woman, simply be yourself and let the relationship flow.

NOTE: Don’t get advice from men who don’t have a clue about dating women. If you need advice, get it from a man who’s wise and has experience dating strong classy women, or, better yet get advice from an older wise woman.

3. Clingy Spirit

Affectionate: readily feeling or showing fondness or tenderness. devoted; caring.

Clingy: someone who likes you who becomes obsessed. 

The reason I gave you both definitions is because I wanted you to know that there is a difference! A man’s affection is beautiful!!!!!!! (yes I had to put all those exclamation marks so you can know how important your affection is to us).

Your kind heart and affection towards us gives us the same feeling you get when we praise you for doing something, or when we respect you/submit to you. Let me give you an example.

Example

Woman: “Baby can you fix this shelf for me, it keeps falling?”

Man: “Yeah, I think so. Let me try.”

Man: (Gets nails & hammer, and succeeds).

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Woman: (Jumps all over him) “Oh my goodness baby you’re so strong and smart!! Ugh, I just love having you around! You help me out so much! Thank you Baby!!!” (Kisses him)

Men we all know, that you will be smiling from ear to ear. You’ll be thinking (man that was so small and she did all that just cause I helped her fix a shelf?) But guess what? You would be more attracted to her than you would if you were to perform that same task for another woman who simply said. “Thanks.”

That’s because the first lady made you feel some kind of value from you simply being there and helping her out. And just like you would get happy from the above scenario. (Because you felt appreciated.) Us women feel the same way when men are tender and affectionate toward us.

Men look at (respect+praise=love) and women look at (time+affection=love).

That’s why when men do small things for us. We’ll go and tell the whole world!

Girl let me tell you about my man honey…”

We’ll call up every girl we know and brag on what you just did and how you did it, because we like bragging on our mans love toward us. That’s us telling all our girls, “Yeah your man is good, but mines is the best!”

NOTE: Affection is a woman’s measuring stick to love.

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I don’t really know why were like that…lol but we are. So, if you really like this woman and you’ve been dating her for some time now, get with the program brother!

Start being affectionate.

If you’re not affectionate we take it as “He doesn’t like me.” A man being cold and distant is not readable. Meaning, we can’t figure out if you’re interested or not. The bad thing is, some of you men may actually like this woman but you’re talking yourself out of doing nice things for her because you don’t want to come off as “Sprung.” or like “You’re doing too much too soon.” “I don’t want her to think I’m blah..blah..blah..” 🙄

Let me just tell you fellas, whatever the reason is for you not being affectionate towards her, I should tell you, (affection and being kind) melts any strong woman’s heart. No matter how strong she may be.

Examples of Affection:

  • Taking her out to a place she’s been wanting to go to, & giving her some cheesy cute necklace. (And yes we actually fall for that stuff…it’s terrible how easy we are sometimes…🙄)
  • If she changed something about herself, like her hair, hair color, or loss weight (etc.) or she simply looks good to you, tell her! When you pass by her just say, “I like the new hair color it really looks nice on you.” (trust she will be saying to herself all day “Omg! I cant believe he noticed my hair?”)
  • Tell her how much she means to you, and kiss her on the hand or the forehead afterwards. (Once again, cheesy. But we’re total suckers🍭.)
  • Thought I was going to give you another point huh? The devil is a lie, I’m not finna give you all this good information to use on my ladies like that! 😂

Now, moving on!

On the flip side….

I must also let you know,

NOTE: Affection is Not Obsession!

And there is not a thin line between the two!

They are two T-O-T-A-L-L-Y different things!

Stalking a woman, calling her all day everyday, blowing up her inbox with,

  • Hi, 👋🏼 my love.
  • Who you with?
  • I miss you.
  • What you doing now?
  • Dang, so you just gonna ignore me like that?
  • Aight, cool.
  • (Text back 10 minutes later) “Okay, I’m not mad no more, I want to see you.”
  • You want to hang tomorrow then?

Oh my goodness that is disgustinggg…

How do I know fellas?

Once again, I have dated this kind of man. Not to mention that I still get daily crazy messages from men all over the world. A few years back, I started talking to this guy for two days. We messaged each other for about a week before I finally gave him my number. Immediately, I regretted my decision. After our second phone conversation this man took a few moments to pause and tell me how much he loved me. How he’d never felt this way before. And not only did he love me, but he wanted me to meet his parents the following weekend. He had a farm and wanted to take me horse back riding (he was rich) and it totally bummed 🙁 because….

I’ve always wanted to ride a horse, butttt if I had to deal with a crazy person to do it…

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Ehhh…. I’ll pass. lol. Some women may deal with a clingy man, to use him or get money from him but not this girl. Rich or not if you’re clingy and crazy, I’m cutting you off, point blank.

Seriously fellas, nothing says desperate like a man who’s constantly calling a woman, constantly on her tail, constantly stalking her, telling her all these sweet things and she has yet to reciprocate that love back to him. Now I’m not talking about men who are pursuing a woman and trying to find out about her. No. Once again don’t mis- understand me. I am speaking about the psycho’s who constantly text, call, and leave messages with no remorse and no conscience. A man behaving in such a manner is NOT AT ALL ATTRACTIVE!!!

A strong woman will run the opposite way.

Okay guys, I hoped you all enjoyed the blog!

Once again, its been fun hanging with yall!

Until next time!

💋TakyahLove 💋

My Funny Valentine… 

Another Valentines Day and you’re still single…

Last year around this time you were sure that this year (around this time), you’d have a man. But things didn’t pan out the way you planned them. Now everyone is all boo-ed up except for you…so what do you do?

In my new blog “My Funny Valentine.” I’ll give you a few tips and share with you some of my “To do’s & Not to do’s” on Valentines, and how you can survive the hardest day of the year if you’re Single…

Alright Ladies lets get started!

💔1. Don’t Call Your Ex💔

Whatever you do sis don’t call your ex!

He is your EX for a reason.

Around the Holidays people tend to take a blast 🚀 back to the past. But this is not “Phil Future.” Going back to the past will not be a fun adventure. It will only lead to more heartbreak and disappointment. Nothing is worth your peace or your sanity. Please leave the past where it is. Your present situation is not that bad! It’s only one day sis.

❤️2. Do Go out with the Girls!❤️

Instead of calling your ex, call your friends over, have a girls night out or in! Pop some popcorn🍿, get a gooooddd chick flick🎥! Cry if you have to and talk it out with your other single girl friends! But don’t go back digging up ole jigga-boo just because you want a boo. Please think before opening yourself back up to something that already proved not to work the first time.

💔3. Don’t Be A Debbie Downer💔

This is one I have to constantly work on. I am genuinely a very happy & bubbly person. But the whole (not having any girl-friends) thing can be depressing. And it sure doesn’t add to my joy for me to look up and realize I haven’t been out on a date in 4 years.

Because of the way things are right now, I have to purposely do things not to become melancholy.

❤️4. Do Create A Fun Day!❤️

This valentines, instead of wallowing in sadness, hating on people who are married and rolling your eyes 🙄 at the next girls blessing, create a fun day! Make a list of all the fun things you want to do and stick to the plan.

Your list might look something like this:

Valentines Date for 1

  • Wake up & pray! (spend time with The Lord)
  • Get out a cute valentines outfit, (something you would wear on a date)
  • Get your nails done
  • Go see a movie 🎥🍿 (Too bad Black Panther is not out yet)
  • Go out to eat
  • Go grab some ice-cream 🍨

But whatever you do, don’t allow depression to sink in over one Holiday! Get up! Get active and enjoy yourself honey!

💔5. Don’t make any rash decisions!💔

Every single girl on the planet wants to have a man to cater to them, rub their feet, buy a teddy bear 🐻 or show them they care for them in some small gesture.

But at what cost?

Don’t make rash decisions today just because you want to take cute pictures and have someone on your arm for Valentines. Settling is never in the will of God, for your life. If it’s not in Gods plan, it’s a dead end before it even starts.

❤️6. Do be still, and thank God for where you are right now.❤️

Instead of going through your inbox and going out with some random. Be still. Love on Jesus today and enjoy all the free time you have right now, (before your man comes)! Don’t wait until he gets here to start enjoying life, you would have wasted many single years!

Valentines seems to be a rough Holiday for us Singles, but once again, I know how you feel. Were all in the same boat!

The boat 🚣‍♀️ of patience, the boat of God’s perfect timing, and the boat of God’s manifestation (after obedience).

Don’t get out the boat sis! Stay in! When it’s time for you to test the “relationship waters.” Trust. God will call you out to walk on them. But for now. Be still, and ignore all those social media “relationship goal” pics today!

It’s going to be okay….

As a valentines gift for you, I’m posting a new song I wrote for a friend of mine who lost her husband. I feel led to share it with you all. As you listen to the lyrics I want you to think of Jesus and how he ALONE completes you.

Not a Valentine…

Love,

Takyah Love ❤️

Click Here 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽 to Hear the Song!

The Independent Fool

If only they knew how foolish they sound..

Those were my exact thoughts 💭 as I heard such terrible ignorance from a group of women all over the age of 30. I thought to myself, How could one be so Beautiful, so Successful and so very FOOLISH, all at the same time?

I could clearly see, this was not the kind of woman I wanted to be. I’ve always been taught independence is a beautiful thing and how (you don’t need a man for this and that). However,  the more I listened to this group of (independent women) I began to see quite a different picture. Very different from the one I’d been painted all these years. Then, that’s when it hit me!

An independent woman is a foolish woman.

Now before you go all, “Oh no she didn’t! I love being independent” on me. Just hold your horses sis! Let me explain in my new blog, The Independent Fool on why being too independent is indeed a foolish thing to do.

Alright ladies y’all are gonna’ have to buckle up for this one!

1.👠 She has an unbalanced life 👠

Independent: not influenced by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc. (2) not subject to another’s authority (3) not influenced by the thought or action of others: (4) rejecting others aid or support.

The number one thing I noticed in a woman who’s too independent. Is that she has an unbalanced life. She’s hard, she’s lost some of her femininity, she’s selfish, vain, does her own thing whenever she wants to and brags about how she doesn’t take *bull—— from a man! Her money and body looks good but her heart is rotten to the core.

From her emotions to her very being; this independent woman, is all over the place! Sadly, while doing all those “No men 🙅🏼 protest!” She’s actually missing out! The simple fact is:

⭐️NOTE: Men balance our lives. Sis, without a man. This world would be a hot funky mess!

I am a woman, and I know us. Sometimes we can be “chatty, vain, fearful, mean, arrogant, gossipy and so many other things.” Men bring balance to our crazy emotional roller coasters! Most times, to evaluate our response to any given situation, we use our emotions. While men, on the other hand use their heads.

If we can’t be influenced by a wise man’s opinion, (always thinking we know best) we can find ourselves unbalanced and very emotionalRemember Job’s wife? She looked at everything that happened to Job and judged the situation using her emotions. Job on the other hand used his head. He reasoned that God was still God no matter what they were going through.

  • Job 2:7– So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and afflicted Job with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the crown of his head. (8)Then Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat among the ashes.(9) His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” (10) He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”

She is not the first woman to be led by her own emotions & thoughts. Think about Eve and Sarah! Both of them were led by their own emotions and because their husbands listened to them (at a time they should’ve been putting their foot down). They all went through more trouble than they should’ve.

Now, I don’t know about you; but when I start acting up or getting over the top emotional, it’s nothing like hearing a man say, Alright now! Go in there and calm all that down.And guess what? 

I’ll calm my lil’ self right on back down. 😂

Sis, without a man in your life, to help you establish order. (whether he’s a friend, a father or a husband). Your life will undoubtedly be unbalanced. There is something about hearing the wisdom from (a God-fearing man) that brings peace to all those little storms we have every now & again!

 2.👠 She’s Not Being Cultivated 👠

• Genesis 2:15- The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.

• Genesis 2:22- Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. (23) The man said, “This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”

• Genesis 3:20- Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living.

Since the beginning of time God has created men to improve their environment, to name what they wanted it to be and to cultivate it to their liking. They were made to plant the seeds they want to see. We on the other hand, were made to nurture and help expand what they’ve already planted. Godly men, who’ve established their identity in Christ, can sometimes see things in us that we ourselves, would not have been able to see.

⭐️NOTE: Men have a natural gift to improve who we are.

“I don’t need to improve! I’m fine just the way I am!”

Okay, Ms. Fine Just the way I am!
With that kind of attitude you’re not hurting anyone but yourself! Earlier this year, after I preached a message entitled, “Suddenly.” this godly man called me to speak with me after the sermon and in one conversation this man spoke things into my life, I simply couldn’t see at the time.

After that conversation, I felt empowered to become a better me! I was like, “Really? You see all that? In me?”

However, because of the seeds he planted in my life that day, I just finished my first book, Purity Over Passion.I started other endeavors (which I’ll tell you more about later) and I simply felt a push to become the woman he said he saw in me!

        Ladies, that’s what a good man does!

They cultivate and bring out the woman God called you to be! They improve you! If you noticed, in the scripture above, Adam called Eve, “Eve” before she even became the mother of all living. He said, I see what you’re going to become, therefore I’m going to name you, according to the destiny I see in you! He spoke to who she would be in her destiny, rather than the deceiver she had portrayed in the previous moment.

I’ve had men come into my life and say the smallest of things. Still, those little nuggets they gave me impacted my life and molded me into the woman I am today.
A man can see great things in you that need to be brought out of you but if you don’t let him cultivate you (because of your pride) you’ll never know the kind of woman you really could become!

⭐️NOW LET’S GET SOME THINGS CLEAR⭐️

I am not speaking about a man coming into your life and getting you off track by having you do a million things, you know good and well, God ain’t told you to doNeither, am I speaking about the man who comes and tries to completely change you!

He doesn’t like your weight, your hair, your personality, your ambition, your smile nothing! He wants you to be a dead door knob of a woman, who has no identity and simply does whatever comes to his mind,

all because, 

                          HE’S THE MAN!!!! 

No ma’am sis! 

I am not referring to such an immature, childish boy, who’s got a controlling demon!
I am speaking about a real, God-fearing, gentle, strong man! who can bring out the best in you and plant seeds that can produce gardens of fruit in your life, for you and him to enjoy!

3. She Will Grow Old Alone

Saying things like,

I don’t need a man!”

I can do bad all by myself!

I can do anything he can do!”

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Is a guarantee you won’t get a man!

If you don’t respect marriage and have a spirit that keeps (dis-honoring men), why would God give you one of his sons that he loves?

    So you can run him to the top of the roof??

  • Proverbs 21:9- It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman.

God is protective of his sons just like he is his daughters. Unlike all those movies that show a man constantly chasing after a woman (even after she’s talked down to him and treated him like he’s nothing).

In the real world, a man will not pursue a woman who blatantly disrespects him. I don’t care what movie or soap opera led you to believe such nonsense.

⭐️NOTE: When a man feels he is disrespected, he will go and find another woman that makes him feel respected. 

Not only that. But the Bible says you have whatsoever you say!

  • ⭐️Proverbs 18:21- The power of the tongue is life and death— those who love to talk will eat what it produces.

If you’re speaking;

Lord, I’m fine with it being you and me! 

I don’t wanna get married! 

Don’t start asking the Lord when you get tired of being single, “Where your husband at?”

God’s gonna be like: “But I thought you said, you didn’t wanna get married?” 🤔

Sis, don’t speak foolishly or pray bitter prayers to The Lord, just because you got hurt in the past!

Also, don’t make the good man, (God is trying to place in your life) pay for what Scrubby Scrappy did to you 3 years ago!

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⭐️NOTE: Every man is different!

Let that bitterness go and accept who God has for you! Don’t let your need to “feel like a boss” make you miss out on being with a boss.

Those women who I sat down to talk to, were really crying out for love and to be cared for by a man. They just didn’t want to come out and say it! For some reason, they felt they had to be strong! 💪🏽

Sis please…open up your eyes.

If God wanted us to be that independent and strong! He would’ve made us first, instead of the man. But, he didn’t! The Bible says we are the weaker vessel. So accept it!

Embrace who God created you to be! I know I have! Y’all don’t see me out here trying to compete with a man or comparing myself to one! That’s because, I’m too busy enjoying my femininity!

I don’t have time to be out here trying to prove I can do what a man can do! That’s foolishness! God didn’t create me to do what a man can do! He created me to do what only a woman can do!

Honey please, I LOVE BEING A WOMAN! It ain’t nothing like it! Even the simple things like buying that cute dress or getting my toes painted makes me feel so good!

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My pedicure! 😉💅🏽

I don’t know about y’all, but honey I enjoy being fabulous and feminine! Being the weaker vessel doesn’t mean “weak” as in we can’t do anything without a man. It simply means, when God gives us a man to protect us and rule over us,

(I know that line just made your flesh crawl)

Sorry sis, it’s scripture! 😂

Anyway.. when God gives us that man, we won’t rebel, we’ll submit to the authority he’s placed over us! We understand our role as a wife and we act accordingly! We’re not trying to wear the pants👖in the relationship! Because the man God gave us, wears them just fine!

I want to end on this note:

In my opinion, being independent, is not something I think “we” (as women) should strive for. The end of those women usually ends terrible, with a smelly living room full of cats.
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Partial independence is what every woman should strive for! Being partially independent means you’re a woman who’s got,

• her own stuff,

• you’re occupying till God comes

• you’re focusing on the things of God, as a single woman should be doing!

However, when God sends you that man that’s going to love you and protect you, you won’t fight the submission! You willingly submit to the next season in your life and start building with your God given husband. You acknowledge him as the head and build him up so that he can be strong for you and the family you will create together.

You’re not so occupied with your career or establishing your own ministry, that you miss out on building a legacy with the man God gave you.! Being partially independent means, you won’t go into marriage with an “independent mindset” because you understand the season for proclaiming independence is over! Instead of things being All About You, Now it’s all about US! Starting with:

1. The Lord

2. Your husband

3. Your children

4. The family’s legacy (what God, you & your hubby have built together to leave behind)

5. Then your *extra aspirations or career

In that order.

I probably just made your flesh crawl…again.

Sorry…not sorry! 😬

Okay ladies..

That’s all for tonight!

Please don’t unsubscribe from my blog!🤧

I know I was kind of tough on y’all today! But as always, I’m looking out for y’all! I truly want you to receive the best life God has for you! And if He’s got marriage in your future!

You have got to stop with all that “independent, feminist” stuff, that’s literally being pushed by a lesbian spirit.

Sorry…I’m trying not to get deep, but I’m so forreal!

Cut out all that foolishness!

Chile’… when God tells me it’s time for me to navigate to the next season in my life, y’all better believe, I’ma fly out this season quicker than you can say flash!

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Don’t worry! I’ll be sure to send all my single girls, post cards 📬 from the honey moon! 😂

I’m trying to tell ya’…

Y’all can play with that independent stuff if you want to! But I ain’t messing with it!

Okay, it’s getting late! 💤

I’m starting to act silly!

Love you girls!

Until next time!

Xoxo,

🌸Takyah Love🌸

3 Reasons You Want Him To Find You! 

Hey ladies!

Guess what I’m doing??!? (High pitched girly voice)

The final edits for my book!!

Ahhhhh!! So excited!!! 🙆🏽💃🏽📚

Since I have to finish editing. This will be a quick blog! I stepped away for a break & yet, (I’m still writing) 🙃 so typical of me! #AlwaysWorking

Let’s dive right in shall we?? Here’s “3 Reasons You want Him To Find You!” and not the other way around


⭐️Proverbs 18:22-The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.

The number one reason you want a man to find you is because, 

                1.  You Are The Treasure!

  • Treasure: any thing or person greatly valued or highly prized: to regard or treat as precious; cherish.

Treasure is rare! Treasure is beautiful! Treasure can also add value to the man that finds it!

Sis, what pirate movie have you seen where treasure just pops out to the pirate and says, “Here I am! Come and get me!” 

Ummm.. none I’m sure! 

I’ve seen pirate movies where men & their families have searched decades!! Even centuries! Just to find the hidden treasure. 

The more time you spend chasing after him, the more you show him, how “little” you think you’re worth! Not to mention it looks kind of…dare I say it??

d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e…😬

Sorry, I didn’t wanna’ say it!

Moreover, it’s necessary! When you act as if a man is the treasure and you’re not, men will know!
They quickly notice the difference between a woman who has confidence & a woman who has low-self esteem. 

⭐️NOTE: There is nothing attractive about a woman, who acts as if “no man” wants her!

Instead of chasing him,  popping out every 5 minutes, and doing things like (stalking his social media, befriending him on every social media site, DM him saying how cute he is, etc.)

Walk in confidence sis! Ask God to help you if you battle with low self esteem! Allow God the time he needs to work on you but do not chase a man! The last thing you want is for him to validate your worth!

What if he’s says, “She’s worth a Motel, a McDonald’s fry and a Big Mac!” Would you allow him to present that to you? Accepting that as a date night?

I sure hope not! 

The same goes with letting a man find you! If you let him find you, he’ll deem your worth wayyy more than an insecure woman who gets in his face all the time and sends piles of text messages all day

⭐️NOTE: You train men how to treat you, by the way you treat yourself! If you think and act like a pebble, they will treat you like a pebble. If you act like a diamond, they will value you & treat you with care! 

The second reason you want a man to find you is because, 

                   2. You Can’t Do His Job!

Trying to get a man to pursue you is a job within itself! It’s too much work

  • First you have to stalk him,
  • Find out what he likes,
  • what he doesn’t like,
  • His preference,
  • His favorite hairstyle on a woman,
  • Try to change yourself to look like that woman,
  • Find out his favorite color,
  • Buy an outfit in that color!
  • Go to the place he’ll be at!
  • Be in place to smile when he walks by!
  • Pray to God that he saw you!

😓 Oy Vey!

Just thinking about all that gives me a headache! 

Sis! Pleaseeeeee!!! If that is your plan….

Put a halt ✋🏽 to that Plan of action! You’re going to run yourself ragged trying to get a man to like you, who’s not interested. You can’t force a man to pursue you! Anymore than you can force a dog to be a cat!


If a man is interested, he’ll let you know. No man wants someone who’s forcing them to be in a relationship! Forcing them to pay attention! Forcing them to listen! Forcing them to call or text! Forcing them to marry them!

If you have to do all that forcing and you’re still in the courting stage, (the time when men pursue the most) Can you imagine?? How life will be, if you actually get this man?!

I can tell you now, it won’t be good! You will not get the love God has for you if you keep settling for men who could care less if you’re there or not!

You want a man who wants you! Not someone you have to force to see your worth! If he doesn’t see it! Wave bye 👋🏽 and keep it moving!
TrustGod will send you a good man that will pursue you! Someone who will see every bit of your worth & treat you how a King is supposed to treat a Queen. You won’t have to chase him down and manipulate him to do it either!

He’ll do it naturally!

If you haven’t read the blog: “Is Your Man A Prince Or A King?” Click on the title! It’ll take you straight to it! It’s so helpful seeing the characteristics of a King, so you won’t be fooled by a sweet talking prince! 


Lastly, the main reason you want a man to find you is because, 

     3. You Can’t Change “His” Timing 

⭐️NOTE: No matter how “good” of a woman you are, you’ll never be good enough for a man who’s not ready. 

Sis, you can’t make a man be ready to commit to you! I believe, timing plays a big part in many successful relationships!

  • Now, I’m not talking about foolishness, such as: a man giving you lame excuses as to why he doesn’t want to be with you (yet he still wants to get husband benefits & soak up all your time) 

uhm no ma’am! 

I’m talking about men who are good men & want something more, but right now, it’s just not a good time, maybe because of their “careers aren’t established” or they’ve “just recently gotten out of a bad relationship.”

Let’s deal with the latter. 

If a man just got out of a bad relationship and you just so happen to slide in his DM’s, The timing will be incredibly terrible!

Although, men and women are quite different in many areas! One thing we’re the same in, is needing time to recoop from a bad relationship.

  • Recuperateto regain or recover. to get back an equivalent, as of something lost.

This man just lost some of his time, money, his heart & maybe he feels as if his efforts went unnoticed! One thing I can say about men, is that when they truly love a woman, they go all out! It may take some time for him to let down his guard but once he does, the world is yours. (Meaning, he’s going to make sure you’re happy)

Think about it sis! If this man just went through trying to give his ex the world 🌎 and it didn’t work out?

He’s going to need time!!! 

Time to recoop! Time to figure out “Why in the crap did this not work out?” “What did I do wrong?” He needs to figure out what’s the next step in his life! I’m sure getting into a new relationship is nowhere near his mind

You don’t want to come in right after a bad breakup! What if he’s not over her? What if he still wants to work things out with her? If you’re thrown into the middle of that horrible love triangle you can get hurt!

The concept of being a superhero for a broken hearted man, has left many women themselves, heart broken in the process! The only superheroes is Jesus & Time. 

I know what you’re thinking sis! 

You’re thinking💭,

  • If I could just show him how much better I am for him than her!”
  • “He’ll see my efforts and know I’m the one he needs to be with!”

Not meaning to burst your bubble, but he will not see anything! Getting the attention of a man who still has feelings for his ex is impossible. Yes! He may go out with you but he’ll still be thinking about her.
That is the last thing you want sis! You want to have a mans full attention! You want him to be focused on getting to know you. You want him to be focused on what the two of you can build together! Not what he could’ve had with ole’ girl back there! 

Undoubtedly, if he still has feelings for his ex; you could become a rebound! A girl he has fun with, sleeps with (if you let him) and a girl he quickly forgets.

Now I don’t know about you…

But “I ain’t goin! (southern accent) I got too much to offer to be someone’s rebound! Chile’ please!”

That sis! Is the main reason you want a man to find you! In his pursuit, you’ll know he’s ready! You’ll know it’s good timing & you’ll know he feels that now is a great time to take on a new relationship!

Ladies, because dating season aka: (cuffing season) is coming up! I want you to be careful! Don’t let all your hard work and patience be thrown away simply because you don’t want to be alone this holiday season!

Settling to fit the “relationship quo” for the Holidays is never worth it! Being impatient and pursuing men is not God’s plan for your life

Leave the match-making to God. Don’t let the “sighs” people make when you walk into the Holiday party 🎉 alone, get you down!

                     Wait on The Lord! 

Don’t get ahead of his timing! Be patient and know that good things come to those who wait!

Alright! I am out of here
Xoxo😘

Love your sis, 

🌸Takyah Love🌸


“Back off! The Lord said, He’s My Husband!”

Did the Lord tell you who your husband was?

If so, how did he do it?

  • Did he tell you in a dream?
  • A vision?
  • Did you hear an audible voice?

Or was it all your Flesh???

Now I know this can be a touchy subject; nevertheless, this is an issue that must be discussed!

In today’s blog: “Back Off! The LORD said, He’s my Husband!” I will be coming at you with the ulfiltered truth. And just like any other day, I want you ladies to listen & take what I am about to share with you into consideration; even if I step on your toes a little bit…👀

                            Okay Ladies…

                           Let’s get started.

           🤵🏾1. Do You SEE Me Now??🤵🏾

One thing I know for sure, is that

God will never tell you a man is your husband & then have YOU pursue HIM!

The Bible says in:

  • ⭐️ Proverbs 18:22-“That he that finds a wife finds a good thing, & {when he finds her, he obtains favor from the Lord.}”

 

What that scripture is saying is that, it is the mans job to come & find us, pursue us, & if God allows it, conquer us. (Meaning court you & put a ring on your finger, because he knows your worth.) 
Yet, there are so many women in the wrong role; acting as if they are the pursuer! Sis, you don’t need to chase down🏃🏽‍♀️a man to get favor from God!

You are the FAVOR and THE GOOD THING!

Not him!

Just last summer, I met a young woman, who was on fire for God! She was highly anointed, beautiful & someone I deemed to be very powerful! We talked a few times & I was told there was this man at the conference whom she’d had a crush on..

However, what started out as an innocent crush… has now transpired into a downright obsession! When I last ran into her, (which was quite recently), I hugged her and noticed immediately that she was not the same “fireball” I’d met almost a year ago.

In fact, where I last saw joy & smiles, I was now seeing confusion & heartache.
I couldn’t help but feel sorry & pray for her, as I watched her skip once more to the front row, hoping this would be the day, that the man she’d secretly fallen for, would finally “See” her, as his wife.

Ladies…I hate to be the bearer of bad news.. but that…

IS NOT GOD’S WILL FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

⭐️NOTEGod, would never put you in a situation that would drain away the very life & peace he’s given you! (just to be noticed by a man.)

This woman is so focused on this man being her husband, that she cannot even focus on her own life & what The Lord has entrusted her with. Instead of spending her single season doing what “The LORD” wants her to do. She’s spending her days, following a man from city to city & allowing the enemy to steal precious time from her life!

⭐️NOTE: God will not give you a man that will become an Idol for you. (Someone that you praise & glorify yet neglect your relationship with Christ in the process.)

Ladies, b-e-l-i-e-v-e me when I say this,

The man God has for you… 

WILL SEE YOU!

*naturally.*

When God brought Eve to Adam, he had been in a deep sleep, but when his eyes were opened the first thing he said, was “WHOAH! MAN!” as the late Dr. Myles Munroe stated it! 😅 Then after Adam saw her; the very next thing he wanted to do, was be with her & cleave to her!

Ladies, that right there is proof that you don’t have to force anything! Once God presents you to your true husband, it will be something about you that will just stand out to him! (maybe your smile, your spirit or just the fact that he can’t stop thinking about you.) Even if he’s not able to put his finger on (*what it is about you*)

God can help him figure that puzzle piece out!

And he can most definitely do it,

WITHOUT   YOU!!!


2. The Man/Woman of God told you so!!

Lord Have Mercy…if I had a nickel..for every time I heard this, I’d be the nickel queen 👸🏽wearing a nickel coat by now…

It was 2015. Around the second quarter of the year. I’d been awakened with a dream about this young man of God. Who’d previously came to visit my church & prophesied to me.

Because I did not understand the dream at the time. I told that dream I’d dreamt of him to a highly discerning woman of God. (Because I trusted her counsel)
When I finished telling her, all the dreams I’d had of him, she smiled from ear to ear & said, “Takyah, he may be your husband.” My response was, “What?!?” She responded, “Mhhm.. I believe he is.

After I told her so many reasons as to why I clearly knew that he wasn’t & that those dreams had to mean something else! She stated a case to me that sounded sooo good, I almost fell for it! However, because of that check🤔 in my spirit, I politely rejected that interpretation & went on about my business.

6 months Later…

One winters day as I was sitting at my computer desk getting ready to post something on Facebook, this big picture popped up on my timeline announcing a wedding.

It read:

💍💍You are invited to come out and celebrate with us! We’ll be tying the knot! 

May 7, 2016 💍💍

 And guess who was on this picture??

A beautiful young lady smiling from ear to ear, with, “The Man of God” (who was supposedly supposed to be my husband)

   Ladies, do you see why this is so dangerous? 

Just because, “Mother Mable” or your Pastor tells you that “so and so” could be your husband; doesn’t mean you go & try to bring that word or prophecy to pass!

Another one of my favorite scriptures for this topic is,

⭐️Ruth 3:18Then Naomi said to her, “Just be patient, my daughter, until we hear what happens. (The man won’t rest) until he has settled things today.”

Sis, you have got to be still & wait on God! Stop worrying about a husband! Ruth got all excited telling Naomi, “Boaz is going to do this & Boaz is going to do that!” & Naomi responded by telling her to sit still! (Calm down honey!)
It is not your job to worry if a man is going to marry you or not. According to scripture, it’s the mans job not to rest until he has made you his wife!!

I mean can you imagine??? The damage that could’ve caused, if I would’ve gotten all excited, started attending that mans ministry meetings & getting myself attached to the idea of him being my husband!?!

Lord…Jesus that could’ve turned out to be a sticky situation!!

Not only that, but let’s just say: “hypothetically speaking.” I would’ve caught this mans attention & we would’ve started dating.

Whose to say???
We would’ve even liked each other or would’ve been happy together?
Sis, I’m telling you! You want who God has for you! Not someone else’s husband! I’ve heard many sad stories of people getting married & having terrible marriages, simply because they listened to a spiritual adviser vs. listening to God.

When Abraham sent his servant out to find a wife for Isaac, the servant didn’t ask another servant what should he do?? He got down on his knees & asked the only one he knew that could give him an answer. GOD!

Genesis 24: 12-15— Then he prayed, “Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 13 See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. 14 May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master.”

Before he had finished praying, Rebekah not only came out, but she did everything the servant prayed for! In that confirmation alone, he knew God had answered his prayers! With all that being said, what I’m trying to relay to you is that if anyone has told you,

Girl, Carlos may be your husband!”
or,
Those dreams mean he’s going to marry you!”

                                 PRAY!!!

Talk it over with God & trust his leading! Not “mans.” People can look at two people and say all day long,

  • Ooh! He’ll be good for her!” Or
  • She’ll be real good for him!”

But honey please

If God ain’t hooked it up. I wont be in it! You’ll find yourself in a (Hooked up Hot Mess) if you listen to people.


3. What Did God Say??? 

I know this may seem like a simple question; but many women (especially in the body of Christ) allow their emotions to guide them instead of the Holy Spirit!

Just because you see a man & admire him doesn’t mean God will give him to you. I don’t care how much you pray for him, if it’s not in God’s will for your life. It will not happen! That’s why when you pray 🙏🏽, you should always pray, “Lord let your will be done in my life, not mine.

I remember reading this story about a woman who went through the, “The Lord told me who my husband was experience.”

And In her story she said that,

There was this finnneee brother that joined her church. And all the single women that saw him wanted him! She said that when he walked in the building there were women trying to get close to him and sit by him. She even thought some of the things they did were to the extreme.
However, one day after church service, she went home, went to bed and found herself dreaming about this same man! In her dream she stated, Both of them were holding hands and smiling at each other. The next morning she woke up & thought “Wow God! He must be my husband!

After this dream she started going to church more, and doing exactly what all the other women were doing before her. But to her surprise this man never acknowledged her or any other woman for that matter.

Finally, after many months of chasing this man & trying to subliminally inform him that she was his wife. She went and talked to someone at the church about it, & it turned out, 10 other women in the church had the same dream & the story ends with the man not marrying any of them. He actually married someone else…

Ladies… that situation from the very beginning was rooted in confusion! God was not the author of that! Sis, God loves you too much for that! The bible says, that God knows our ending from the beginning! So why on earth?? Would he give you a dream & tell you to wait for a man when he already knows that 7 months down the line that very man will marry someone else!! 🤔

Sometimes, you can want something so bad that you can (fool yourself) into thinking that God has said this or that, when in fact God has said nothing…
I know that may be hard for you to bear, especially if you have wasted years or months believing that God has promised you something.

But Sis…the proof of a man being yours is not in a friend request, a follow on periscope, a dream you had or anything else…
The proof is that relationship being manifested in your life. You can dream all you want to! But if God has not established those dreams,

                     They will not manifest.

I do not believe that it’s Gods will for you to sit around & be hurt year after year, playing the good ole faithful wife, while this man does whatever he wants & you just sit and wait on him to finally “see you.”

                             No ma’am!

Whatever God has for you, will be established in your life! The best thing I can tell you to do, is to get as FAR AWAY from that man & the idea of him as you possibly can! Run into the arms of Jesus sis & STAY THERE!! So when your real husband comes, the only way he’ll be able to get you, is to go to God himself & ask for you!!

  • Stop stalking these men
  • Liking all their posts
  • & Re-tweeting every little thing they say!

⭐️NOTE: You are more than a groupie sis! You are somebody’s wife! 

                          Now act like it! 

Just watch! As soon as you start focusing on who you are & what God has given you to do. God will add “the perfect man (meaning the most suitable man for your destiny) to your life!

And he will add him at His perfect timing…..

Now, I do not expect to get many “job well done” comments on this blog. So many women have itching ears for a “prophetic husband word” that they’ve become accustomed to the lies & the foolery that’s going on in the body of Christ.

Nevertheless, I will write & speak everything God gives to me! As you all know from the very first blog I wrote: Three Ways to Know if a Man is “Heaven” sent or “Hell” sent. I tell only the truth & nothing but the truth.

Ladies, I pray this helped you…

I would never say or write anything to hurt you! I want you to walk in God’s best! 🙂 But sometimes the truth has to be told so that you can be set free & do just that!

⭐️Also, if you would like for me & the Holy Ghost (lol) to make an appearance at any special event or occasion, here’s the new “book me” page that’s been added to my website:

 “BOOK TAKYAH”

Simply click on the link and it’ll take you to the form you should fill out if you need me!!

Okay Ladies, I am out of here!!!

Until next time my loves!!!

🌸Takyah Love🌸

5 Tips on Courting a Godly Woman…

One thing I always see coming from men of God: are “posts” about “How to Date a Man of God; or christian men giving tips on what kind of traits “they desire in a wife. Hardly ever do I see videos or posts coming from the opposite point of view.

I then thought to myself, wouldn’t it be nice if men knew a thing or 2 about dating a Woman of God?

In my new blog, “5 Tips on Courting a Godly Woman.I will be giving the guys a few pointers, as well as sharing insight.

So, ladies feel free to relax!

Because this blog is not for you.

It’s only for the men!

I hope you’re ready fellas, because…

  Here we go!      

  • NUMBER 1. Save the Introduction…

One thing that annoys many godly women, is when men try to sound important.

⭐️Note: Real women of God will care more about your heart than they do your title.

Saying your name is: “Apostle Prophet Bishop Maxwell the 5th” is not impressive. What’s impressive is finding out that you volunteer every Friday to feed the homeless. Those are the kinds of things that spark a godly woman’s interest. Not someone with a million fancy titles.

⭐️Save the intro, and let your character speak for you.

  • NUMBER 2Be a Man of Your Word. 

Whew!!! One thing, that will quickly get a man cut out of my life; is a man who does not do what he says. The bible says in: Psalm 138:2 that “God’s promises are backed by his honorable name.” Meaning that if he says it, He’ll do it! You can count on him 100%.

If our awesome Father has this trait, then shouldn’t any man, that’s pursuing God’s daughter strive also for this character trait?

Who wants to keep putting up with someone who constantly promises things they won’t do??

Still don’t get me?

Let me give you an example, that you as a Man can understand… 

*Saying you’ll do something, & don’t do it. Is just like your lady calling you up and saying:

“Hey babe, I’m making fried chicken, greens, macaroni & cheese with candied yams & cornbread. I would love if you stopped by & had dinner with me tonight!”

Hours after you’ve confirmed this date with her and you’re excited! Your mouth is ready & set on that particular meal, (you even skipped breakfast & lunch just to eat at her place for dinner!) & as you’re headed to her house, she then calls back & says,”Sorry babe, I forgot to text u back earlier, I’m eating cereal instead. Let’s just cancel the date, I don’t feel like cooking anymore.”

Now…I’m sure, ANY man would be upset!

*(And you would have the right to be angry, because this woman told you she would do something & then changed her mind at the last-minute.)

That example👆🏽gentlemen, is similar to how a woman feels when a man keeps lying to her.

One thing godly women judge men on; is their word. & how much they’ve kept it.(& we judge, without you even knowing it)

If you say, “Baby, I’ll be there at 7 on Friday to pick you up.” or “Yeah, I’ll come and hear you speak at your church on Sunday.” then turn around a few days later & say “Something came up.” You’re quickly escorted from the (possibly) zone to the (never) zone. *At least in my book you are.

⭐️Note: Real women value their time & will not make excuses for liars.

Either do what you say or don’t say anything at all…

  • NUMBER 3: Don’t Go DEEP BLUE SEA on ME!!

Some men… just like women, can do…

Too... Much

Just a few weeks ago, there was this brother that sent me a long message in my DM’s saying:

 “God is telling me you could possibly be the one. I had a dream about you last night and then a bird flew by my window and uttered your name. I then decoded what the bird was saying by way of the Spirit and once I found you on Facebook. I recognized you from my dream and I knew you were the one! I love everything about you. From your hair… to your eyes. Your smile. I mean everything! You really are an inspiring woman of God…and I see you’re single but baby I’d change that in a minute to marry you,,…all you have to do is say yes…so what do you say.?

I wanted to say: “WHAT DO I SAY?” I say that you’re crazy! and I’m about to block you! That’s what I say!

However, I was having a good day,

So, I didn’t allow my flesh to pop off… (lol)

I appropriately responded, with a kind notice to decline his offer.

Guys please…don’t do that! Just say “Good morning” or “How are you doing beautiful? Once we’re done scoping you out & hearing from God; (to make sure you’re not a distraction) We’ll respond...

⭐️NOTE: Save all that *spiritually deep stuff for someone who doesn’t have  discernment. To a woman who knows the spirit of God; saying things like that wont make you deep. It’ll make you a creep.

  • NUMBER 4: We are WOMEN. 

No matter how spiritually deep we are, or can be at times!

We are still women.

We like to go out on the town and eat out at restaurants! We also like going to the mall & playing pool,(etc.) *In fact, a few years ago, I beat a man so bad in pool 🎱, that he got angry with me & we never went out again.

He didn’t think Ole church girl could play. (lol)

He was such a sore loser🙄

Anyway,

Fellas, don’t forget that godly women still want to have fun!!

Every time you ask a godly woman out, it shouldn’t be, “Hey, do you want to come with me to Evangelist’s ordination ceremony next weekend?” Or “Prophetess Pound cake throwing that conference for singles next Friday night, you in?” 

Although I’m all for a conference and spending a-lot of time in the sanctuary,

I Do Not want to spend 100% of my time in the walls of a church.

Especially if this is supposed to be a date night.

After a while of constantly asking me to *go to church with you. That will land you a nice comfy spot in the friend zone. (Where there is no chance of parole)

⭐️ NOTE: Guys, if you’re really into this woman of God. Don’t forget that before ALL those titles, she will always be “A woman” first. 

  • NUMBER 5:  Flex those Muscles 💪🏽

Another thing godly women don’t like is a man who’s intimidated by her.

If you have any weakness as far as *taking the lead or letting out the man in you, you will not last long with a woman of God.

Godly women understand “Order“, we know the importance of it and we understand that order is necessary! We need a man who’s not afraid to take the lead.

If you’re confused & don’t know you’re supposed to lead and be the head, how can you lead a woman of God??

*Leading does not mean that you walk around demanding & trying to control everybody with a Jezebel spirit; but leading is a man who’s sure of himself and his identity. He’s a man that if I need wisdom, I can sit & listen to him. He’s someone a woman can trust. He’s a man that will speak positive over my life & pull stuff out of me, I didn’t even know were there. He’s someone who understands that as strong as I am, I am still a woman.” When I have those weak moments; he’ll pray for me, instead of prey* on me. Lastly, he’s a man who will hold my hand & bring me closer to God, not further away.

⭐️NOTE: Every strong woman, needs a strong man.

If you’re not prepared to be that pair of arms she can run to (after Jesus) Or, if you still want to play games & finish *living your life.

Ask yourself…Why do you even want to pursue her in the 1st place??

If you’re unsure about her or anything regarding her. Do not enter into her life *so you can try to run a trial test on her. Leave this godly woman alone! Do not waste her time. That’s time she could be spending with Jesus and/or with a man who’ll truly see her worth & appreciate her.

Fellas, I know this may have been a little tough, nevertheless I hope you enjoyed the blog!

If you haven’t read my last blog yet, here’s the link : 🎶Celibacy Blues🎶

Feel free to share this Blog on Facebook if it helped you! & comment in the comment section below & let me know what you thought about it!

Until next time my loves!

Love, 

🌸Takyah Love🌸 

🎶Celibacy Blues🎶

⭐️⭐️THIS BLOG IS RATED: M⭐️⭐️

             (For Mature Readers Only)

Ladies!

Ladies!

L…A…D…I…E…S!!! 

Oh, I have missed you girls sooo much!! I feel like I’ve been away from you for far too long!! Nevertheless, I am here! And ready to talk!!
                               So, let’s talk!

One of the questions I get asked often as a young single (23) who’s abstaining is, “How in the heck, are you doing it??
When asked this question, I usually signal them for a private seat in the corner where we both pull up a chair & talk about it!

                    Cause honey…it ain’t easy!

From trying out tips on google, to doing funny things *married people advised me; one tip for instance, was to”Go take a cold Shower!” 🙄

Honey…I done did it all!!!

In today’s blog, 🎶Celibacy Blues🎶 I am going to share with you some of the tips that have actually worked for me in the past & are still working for me now

                             You ready?!?

Okay. Let’s Go!!

🍒💍 Celibacy in effect: Dating 💍🍒

1.Setting Boundaries.

Boundaries: something that indicates bounds or limits; a line you don’t cross once stated or drawn.

Over the course of my years. I’ve heard many church people say that “Dating is wrong!” and “Christians shouldn’t date!”
But, the problem is not dating the problem is *how a person dates… When it comes to “celibacy & dating” one of the most important things I’ve learned is to establish CLEAR boundaries!

⭐️ NOTE: Without boundaries, your flesh won’t know how far it can go before the answer is no.

A long time ago…
(after making my vow to GodI began dating this handsome football player.
We went out on a few dates, talked on the phone, hung out in his car & listened to old school music. Overall, dating him was fun.

One night around 9 p.m.
I invited him over to my house for a date! Our plans were to watch a movie & order pizza.🍕

The movie hadn’t been on for (5 minutes) before this man started rubbing my thighs & back-endI tried politely telling him “No.”
                 But he wasn’t listening! 
After a few more minutes of asking him to stop & constantly having to move his hand;
I hopped out of bed. And for the first time in my life. I showed a man to the door…

I deleted his number & never called him again.

Now let me go back to what I said earlier. It was not dating him that made it wrong. It was HOW I was dating him.

First of All…

WHAT IN THE WORLD?? Was this man doing coming over to my house at 9 p.m?! Secondly, Why were we laying in my bed watching the movie? (when that same “big screen” is in the Living Room) & lastly, Why was I lying my head on this mans chest? (knowing good-n-well, a man is naturally going to want to hold & touch a woman.)

 THIS IS WHY BOUNDARIES MUST BE SET 

We cannot put ourselves in situations that God is not apart of and then get mad at the man if something “else” happens! Or worse! Get mad at God for not stopping it!

Although, its true that God will provide a way out of tempting situations. Why put yourself in a place that requires Flesh Testing.
In the heat🔥of the moment…who’s to say if you will take that way out or not?

Here’s some Tips that can help:

  • Date “godly men” who are on the same page as you! (don’t talk to anyone who is trying to add you to his “list” of women he’s slept with)
  • Date with a purpose in mind. (some men are sent with assignments from Hell just to be distractions) 

*Remember? We discussed this in; Three Ways to Know If a Man is Heaven sent or Hell sent.

  • Don’t put yourself in unnecessary situations that makes your flesh battle! (coming in your house with him late at night & planning dates to spend over at *his crib* are recipes for disasters!) 
  • Extinguish the flame before it starts! (Don’t wait till both of y’all are standing naked looking at each other to say, (Lord Help.)

Nip that bud in the beginning!

  • Move his hand from off your thigh!
  • Turn down Marvin Gaye & Lenny Williams!!!

And for Pete’s sake, if y’all do decide to kiss before marriage.

               DON’T ADD THAT TONGUE!!! 

 

🍒💍Celibacy in effect: Lustful Thoughts💍🍒

2. Casting Down Imaginations. 

Here is where it gets real… 

For years I battled with thoughts.

  • Nasty thoughts. 
  • Perverted thoughts. 
  • And pornography.

             (The Lord told me to be real)

I would watch nasty movies and then tell myself I’m going to do all those things to my husband when I got married!
I would browse for hours ⏰ just watching movies and studying sex because I wanted to be the best.

I will never forget this day…

I was sitting in my room meditating on the intimate part of being married. I envisioned me and some (*made up husband) having sex!

Then after about 30 minutes of heating my mind and body up with all those sexual thoughts 💭.

I fell to my knees and screamed to the top of my lungs… 

LORD!!! I NEED MY HUSBAND!!! Pleassseee Lord!!!!!
You gotta send him now Lord!!! HELPPPPP!!!!!

Y’all, I’m so glad God didn’t answer those lustful frantic prayers I use to pray. Cause 3 years ago, I was definitely not ready for a husband!!

Although God didn’t answer my prayers like I wanted him to; he did respond!

He gave me the solution to my problem in one sentence.

He said,

“You don’t need a husband…what you need is self control.”

I could not believe this!

    Did God just get smart with me????

Although, I now understand, God’s wonderful grace & mercy! Back then I didn’t!

Here I was…packing my mind with garbage! Then expecting God to come & rescue me once I’d finished polluting my mind…
Instead of meditating on”being married & having sex.

I should’ve been meditating on scriptures such as these:

  • ⭐️Philippians 4:8- Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
  • ⭐️2 Corinthians 10:5-Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
  • ⭐️Romans 8:3-For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.

How crazy of me to think that those things were okay! Just because I wasn’t “having sex” doesn’t mean I was free to do whatever I wanted! *Pornography & having a lustful heart* are just as bad as sex! No matter what people may tell you! (Including fellow Christians!)

Honey please….sin is sin!

Tips to Help:

  • Replace Lustful thoughts with the word of God! (When the Lord first started telling me to speak his word over my mind. I thought 💭”Is this really gonna help me?”)

*However, the more I started speaking his word, the less the thoughts came! Before I knew it, I hadn’t watched pornography in a whole month! Then 2 months! Then 3! Till one day I thought about how long it had been and to my surprise, a whole year had passed!! And by that time I was so over it! Instead of clicking on those “pop ups” I began praying in tongues & speaking against it! 

  • Stay away from movies with too much flesh in them! (One thing I practice greatly is watching what I set before my eyes. I don’t watch anything that excites my flesh. (*cough* cough*) That means movies like: “The Notebook” & “Baby boy 🚲“(for my urban movie sistas) are off limits! Okay?? 
  • We have to ask God for help! (No matter how righteous we may think we are. We all need Jesus and his grace! It only takes a second to fall. So, continue to ask God for his help!) 

There have been times when I cried out for help, because my body became 🔥hot & 😫unbearable!

And in those times the Lord helped me so much!

This one time I kneeled down to pray for strength & before I could finish praying, The Holy Ghost literally punched me into a deep sleep!!

When I woke up hours later, alllll those feelings were gone!

However, when I get to Heaven…We still gonna’ have to talk about that punch though…🤔


🍒💍Celibacy in effect: The Promise💍🍒

3. I’ve Come to Far…

When I think of Jesus…

I simply cannot do it.

Ya’ll, I love him so much! I just cannot go out there and sin against him! Although, we all have our battles and deal with flesh! There are just some sins… I must refuse.

           God ordained “Sex” for marriage…

                           (nothing else)

Not for a boyfriend. Not for a girlfriend. Not for a fiancee’ and not for ourselves (sex toys)

So, if God wants me to wait till marriage… Then I will. When I made up my mind to give my body to God; I meant what I said, and he has given me the grace to keep my vow.

I have not kissed, been held, been touched or any of the like for years now!

(May 2017 will begin my 4th year of Celibacy)

This is not to brag; this is to give any of you who may want to take the “celibacy challenge” with me hope. I’m telling you sis, it is so worth it!! Not only do I avoid frivolous “soul ties” but I can wake up every morning with a smile on my face; knowing I didn’t give my body to *some man last night (soley for the illusion of love.) 

Now, I could go on and on about the benefits… but I won’t.

I’m going to give you just one more, then I’m done.

I know I said “Not to think of your husband* but this time I want you to imagine him…

It’s your wedding night, you have on this pretty little thing that you bought especially for this night…and as you lay down…you get the pleasure of telling him,

                       “I waited for you.

Not, “Oh, I slept with Tom in February, Dick in March and then Harry in May.”

When you are tempted to have sex, stop & think about him; and how much he will appreciate you for saying “No.” to all those other guys..just to wait for him…

Now that sisIs worth it!

Love,

🌸Takyah Love🌸