First of all, pat yourself on the back! 🤗
I am so glad you’re here and you’re taking the time to know how to love yourself more.
By the end of this blog, I pray you learn how to improve your self-esteem, build your confidence (to God’s standard), & make peace with the past.
I know I usually write blogs about “love and relationships.”
But before we dive into any more relationship/ loving our future husband blogs… we have to talk about the elephant 🐘 in the room..
And that elephant is “Self-Love.”
Ultimately, how you view yourself in terms of value and importance is not only how a potential partner will view you, but also how they will treat you.
Let’s start by defining Self-love.
Self love is the love that you have for yourself.
The wonderful thing about it is,
You dictate it!
You control it!
No one else!
Life is uncertain, and we only have control over so many things, but how we feel about ourselves?
That, we have complete control over.
Sometimes, because we don’t know how, or we think we can’t love ourselves fully; we look for other people, (often romantic partners) to do the work for us.
Assuming that this new relationship or partner can make us feel better about ourselves.
Doing so, (unknowingly) we take all our power and (happiness) and place it in the Hands of a new Bae.
time after time.
We’ve all found that, that method Does Not Work!
How you value yourself, how you carry yourself, how you love yourself, has NOTHING to do with what other people have said about you, or what you think other people think about you.
It comes from you.
How you think.
What you feel,
Your inner spirit?
Your self esteem correlates directly with your self-worth. And your self worth correlates directly with what you feel you deserve.
When I was younger, because I’d gone through trauma.
I suffered through low self esteem, thinking that I was too damaged to be loved by anyone.
In turn, when I got older and began dating, I always accepted less because I didn’t think anyone amazing would want someone who frankly wasn’t perfect. (Because of what I’d gone through).
Which was absurd.
It wasn’t until I dated this man a few years back that I had a wake up call and realized that I deserved to be loved.
This man was godly, he was funny, he was a worshipper, he was famous, a millionaire, FINE and holy spirit filled.
It don’t get no better than that ya’ll.
If I gave his name you would know him. But for the sake of his privacy & mine, I won’t. (besides that’s not the point)
The point is, while this man pursued me, I resisted him.
I fought him.
Some days, I didn’t even answer his phone calls.
I would literally look at the phone ring and get scared.
I’ll never forget the first date we went on, I was so nervous; but he was nothing short of a gentle man. He opened up my car door, paid for everything, and even pulled out my chair at the table.
He had to stop by a jewelry store to get something and he caught me looking at a few necklaces, (I thought they were cute, but I didn’t think anything of them) before I knew it, this man was tossing these necklaces across the counter and asking me did I want anything else? I literally begged him not to buy me anything, but he did anyway.
I can hear some of y’all now, “Girl you stupid.”
Well, ehh… lol.
I mean you can look at it that way, or you can look at it for what it really was.
Which was: I had been abandoned (by my father), molested, and verbally/physically abused by boys/men growing up who claimed they liked/loved me. So, by the time I met him, (a good, godly man) I was not only afraid of love, but I didn’t feel worthy of it.
**Especially, because of the kind of man he was. It scared me that God would even allow me to be in the same company with someone like this, let alone have an opportunity to be with him.**
Years later, when he moved on, we sat down and had a conversation about it.
He told me, “Takyah, you ran from me, you were so scared of being loved that you resisted me for months. So, I gave up.” He then looked at me and said, “Takyah you are so special, I don’t even think you realize who you are.”
(because this wasn’t the first time I’d heard this, I put my head down. I didn’t even look up while he was talking.)
He continued- “I want you to know that God is going to give you someone who is going to love you deeply, but as for me, I have moved on. However, when he comes do not run from him like you did me.”
That man is now happily married with his beautiful bride.
Now, my mom loved this man, and once he got married she wanted to kick my butt (for months). However, I have peace because I realize he was never mine to begin with.
When I look at him and his now wife, it makes so much sense. I couldn’t have picked a better woman for him myself. 😊
Moreover, God did allow him to come into my life for a reason and that was to teach me a lesson.
& after that lesson, I took heed to what it was trying to teach me.
I do not want to reject good men (out of fear) and only accept bad men (because subconsciously that’s all I think I deserve).
To stop this self-sabotaging/low self esteem behavior.
I took myself on a “self-love” journey in 2020 and It was beautiful.
I even documented it on IG and journaled out the whole thing @mybecomingjourney!
It’s personal, so that page will probably remain private, however, I did make a “spontaneous worship song” (while on that journey) that you can listen to!
Any who, on this 8 week journey, I learned how to like myself, love myself and recognize that my past doesn’t define me.
Those 8 weeks catapulted my self esteem and now I love myself like crazy! 🥰
& because of that,
I will attract someone who loves me that much also.
Loving yourself is more than a pedicure, a shopping spree, or a spa bath.
You can do all those things and still feel empty on the inside.
Loving yourself, is knowing what you deserve and not settling on (what you expect).
That is why (just recently) I was able to walk away from this man I was dating.
Because I finally respected myself and wouldn’t allow someone to mishandle me, because I knew what I was worth, (& I was worth more than how I was being treated) I was able to walk away.
I demanded “respect” and when I didn’t get that, I walked away immediately, no questions asked.
I don’t make excuses, nor do I give second and third chances.
Those days are long gone.
Why give someone more of what they already don’t appreciate?-Takyah
The whole concept of “loving yourself” just doesn’t define how YOU love yourself but also how you allow OTHERS to love you as well.
When we don’t consider ourselves valuable, we give discounts. But because I love myself, I can make healthy choices for myself.
Don’t judge yourself for where you feel your self esteem is at right now. We all have areas to improve upon when it comes to our self esteem.
I also want to encourage you not to do things simply to “try to get people to like you,” doing anything (just to be accepted) always “backfires.”
You end up becoming a people pleaser and practically spend your whole life begging people for validation, acceptance, and love.
Instead, we should go through life with the belief that,-
“I really like me! And if you like me, that’s great. But If you don’t, I’m okay with that. And you not liking me is not going to cause me to question myself.”
When you finally accept yourself and learn to like yourself, you make smart and healthy decisions; including who you choose to date, get married to, and ultimately start & raise a family with.
Realize that your self esteem and how you love yourself is something that you choose. It’s in YOUR control. And it’s something that you’re going to want to work on.
Even from a (believers standpoint) if you hate yourself or beat yourself up, how can you do what God instructs us as believers to do?
Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.Matthew 22: 39
If you don’t love you first, how can you love someone else?
Knowing that God loves you and then you loving yourself (from that love) is the foundation for all other relationships.
If you don’t remember anything else I said today, please remember these 3 points.
1. How you view yourself in terms of value and importance is how a potential partner will not only view you, but it also correlates directly to how they will treat you.
2. You don’t need to convince anyone how special and valuable you are. Anyone worth while will immediately see that in you.
3. Practice loving yourself. (Take yourself out, buy yourself flowers, get to know and love you).
Something I just started this week is positive “affirmations.”
Write a positive list about yourself and speak those things over yourself constantly.
I literally made an “affirmation” alarm that goes off every hour.
Here’s a few of mine! 🥰
I am worthy of love and appreciation.
I am attracting Soul-Shaking Love.
I am the daughter of a King.
I am strong, resilient, peaceful and happy.
I refuse to let my mind bully my body.
I am and will always be good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough and strong enough.
I am fine with who I am, and I love who I am becoming.
I pray this blessed you!
With Love always,