Hi, 👋🏽 my loves,
I pray you guys are having a wonderful New Year, as I am. ☺️
My Christmas🎄 was amazing!
My New Years 🎉 (ehh…kind of lazy).
My birthday🎂 however,
It totally made up for the “stay indoorsey” New Year’s Celebration I kind of, sort of, didn’t have.
In today’s blog, we’re going to discuss scapegoats and the people who look for them, when things don’t go the way they want them to.
Understanding these reasons, is one of the things that will help you deal with people who blame others.
Hopefully, by drawing their attention to the (real reasons) behind their behavior, most of them can realize their faults and stop using a scapegoat.
As always, I hope this blesses you!
Let’s get started! 🙃
First, I want to start off by defining the word Scapegoat.
⭐️Scapegoat: a person who is blamed for the wrongdoings, mistakes, or faults of others.
While the blaming of others is very common; still, there is no one reason behind it. Instead, there are many different reasons that could make a person feel as though they need a scapegoat.
Here’s the #1reason in my book.
1. Refusing to admit they are Responsible
Let me give you an example:
A woman is told by her doctor that she must lose weight by her next Dr. appointment.
However, instead of eating healthy & exercising, (in order to obtain that goal), she’s been eating fast food and over indulging everyday.
At her next appointment, when her Dr. questions why hasn’t she lost any weight?
“The reason I haven’t lost any weight doc, is because, my brother keeps bringing home delicious food every night and he knows he’s tempting me when he does that, so I end up eating his food, instead of the veggies I was gonna eat.”
Although, that may sound like a good excuse;
Im sure if her brother was in the room,
He’d be like what?
One of the reasons, I have found people need a scapegoat is because they cannot own up to their responsibilities or admit they’ve played any part, as to why things are, the way they are.
I believe people do this because they just don’t like feeling bad about themselves🤷♀️.
Admitting “they are at fault” in any kind of way, takes the blame off others and puts it right. on. them.
And let’s face it,
that in itself, takes a certain level of maturity that some people are just not ready to walk in.
2. Bullying/Name Calling
There are many reasons people name call/bully others.
Some do it to:
- cover up mistakes
- deceive observers
- discredit or invalidate
- distract or divert attention (from the real issue)
- instigate a reaction
Although, those are valid reasons a person may try to use a scapegoat (by using the bullying tactic).
over the course of my life,
I have discovered the majority of people (who do this) do so, in an attempt to try to control the perceptions of others.
AS WE ALL KNOW,
If something is wrong in the eyes of a bully,
It MUST BE wrong in the eyes of everyone else too.
It’s not enough that they don’t like you, they gotta make sure everyone else around them doesn’t like you either.
Laughing at you, and labeling you; giving you names such as: selfish, arrogant, prideful, witch, (or whatever they can think of at the moment) is one of the common methods bullies use in an attempt to control others & their perception of you.
Don’t fret if you’re on the other end of such negativity. Know WHO you are in Christ and fill your heart up with what God says about you.
- ⭐Romans 8:37– No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
- ⭐Zechariah 2:8– You’re the apple of my eye.
- ⭐Matthew 10:29-31 – Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
In the future, if people continue to name call/bully you or bring foolish accusations against you.
Ignore them & Cut It at The ROOT!
Pray over the situation & give it to God, but Keep your heart PURE! Continue to treat them with love & kindness; (releasing all oughts) & KEEP IT MOVING!
⭐Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.
So Pilate said to him, “Don’t you hear all these things they accuse you of?” But Jesus refused to answer a single word,
– Matthew 27:14
3. Unable to Accept what happens
A couple of weeks ago, I was playing “Injustice” with my niece on my PS4 🎮.
To my surprise, she was actually pretty good and even whooped me a few times. I was so happy she’d learned the few combo moves I taught her, that I was going to let her go to bed an undefeated winner.
In her victory,
she got a lil prideful and began calling me a big fat loser, and talking about how I had to eat some applesauce cause I lost.
I had a slight change of heart and had to teach her a lil some some..
After she lost
a couple of times,
back to back,
she got real quiet 👀…
In all honesty, I had absolutely no pleasure in beating my niece. 🎮
I actually had much more joy (when she was winning) because she was happy! However, I did it for a reason.
I simply wanted to keep her humble. 😂
And on the real?
I believe that’s how God does us sometimes.
We cannot control every little thing that goes on in our lives.
We must learn to be happy in all things, & know when to pick & choose our battles. (And not just the battles we’ve made up in our heads) but the real ones. The ones like, praying family members out of hell & getting souls saved for the kingdom of God.
If we’re being honest, some of the things we want or demand (are not even God). It’s simply (our preference) grilled & rolled up in a hot bun of how “we think” things should go.
If you don’t learn how to be okay with “NOT being able to control every “little” thing” that goes on around you, or in the lives of others. This is how you’re going to be looking as an adult:
Unable to accept what happens,
& unable to face reality.
You are NOT GOD.
And you never will be…
Some things you can manipulate,
some things you can fix to your liking.
some things you may even be able to change.
But then… there are those things you simply must accept as just the way they are.
THE WORLD 🌎
People don’t fall in line to do whatever you want them to do, simply because you snapped your little fingers, or threw a temper tantrum. People have their own wishes, dreams, emotions & relationships, outside of you. 👀
My niece didn’t throw the controller down and say, “Something must be wrong with this controller!” (Because she started losing all of sudden.)
She took that whooping like a G. 🎮😎
She didn’t feel the need to get upset or throw a tantrum, because (even at the age of 8), we have raised her to understand that sometimes you lose, and sometimes you win; but regardless of the outcome, (If you know you’ve given it your all & done your very best) you have to be okay with the results.
I hope you guys have enjoyed the blog so far!
Because we have come to our last point.
4. LOSS OF CONTROL
If someone were to ask me where I thought scapegoating came from?
I would confidently say, (scapegoating/blaming others or the need to be in control) all came from the same tree.
& at the root of that ancient tree would be;
It’s the fear of losing control that is behind the scapegoat syndrome.
When someone finds themselves facing a big problem that he/she can barely deal with, he/she starts to become afraid of what might happen.
This fear (if not given to God) eventually turns into a powerful energy that can only be released through blaming others/scapegoating.
If a person had enough skills to handle bad situations that are happening, they would feel less likely to blame others.
Moreover, it’s the fact that some of us are too unprepared to face our problems, that motivates us to blame others for them.
Some people start to blame others more often when they have a bad day or when they are feeling bad and they usually blame people who are not responsible at all for what is happening to them.
They can say things like, “I want to have a closer relationship with my grandma“
Yet, they never try to spend time with their grandma. Instead, they go out drinking & clubbing & have fun with their friends. However, when the cousin they don’t like schedules a visit with grandma, they call their grandma & say, “Well, I was gonna come over today, but since they’re over there, never mind.”
(As if there’s not 30 other days in the month when they can get together and bond/form a relationship).
If they really wanted to..
A person might even say,”I want to be a better spouse.“
Yet, they rarely read books about being a better spouse, or practice the essentials it takes to run and keep a home happy. Instead they say, “This person or ‘this thing’ is the reason I can’t be fully happy in my marriage!” (However, the ‘person’ or ‘thing’ they swear is keeping them from marital bliss is nowhere around.)
Before you start blaming anyone for anything that happens to you or has happened to you, ask yourself the next few questions:
- Are they the reason I am feeling bad? or is it just another unsolved problem I’m facing.
- Am I having a bad day?
- Am I afraid?
- Do I feel like I am losing control?
- Am I trying to be in control by blaming that person?
Once you answer these questions you will know if you really have the right to use someone as a scapegoat or not; and what you will find in (most cases) is that people are innocent and that its your fears that made you think that way.
Whom is to blame then?
If you are looking for someone to blame, then its your bad mood that should be blamed. It’s your fears, your lack of control and your worries/insecurities that should be blamed.
Perhaps, it’s your life problems that have caused you ‘such emotions’ that should be blamed. It may even be your helplessness or lack of life skills that should be blamed and not other people.
I am not asking you to stop blaming people (especially if they are guilty). However, I am asking you to take a more mature approach & find the real things that should be blamed and then deal with them. 💁♀️
Learn how to deal with uncertainty and lack of control, or better yet, (relinquish the fact that you are not God and cannot always be in control).
I’m sure that after coming to such realizations, you’ll be less likely to blame others.
When you improve your personal skills and become more capable of handling your life problems, your brain won’t urge you to blame others.
At some point IN LIFE,
Even Jesus will require this of you,
⭐John 5:6-8 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” 7 “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” 8 Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” 9 At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.
Let’s leave scapegoating & being petty in 2019.
Start your decade off right.
Knowing that what you do now is laying the foundation for the next 10 years of your life.
Look w-i-t-h-i-n to find the answers to some of the questions you seek,
or better yet, look above…
Be Made WHOLE
and MOVE ON from here.
🦋 Takyah 🦋