No matter how much you love someone! No Romantic Relationship is perfect.
It’s normal to fight from time to time with your partner, and disagree on things. But there’s certain behaviors that go beyond arguments and veer into a more serious territory of emotional manipulation.
In today’s Blog, “Manicures, Tears & Manipulation.“ We’re going to discuss how you can spot emotional manipulation and how to deal with it.
First, Let’s define Emotional Manipulation.
⭐️Emotional manipulation: when someone tries to manage the emotions of another person, or exert influence over someone else’s behaviour for self-serving purposes.
Emotional Manipulation can be very hard to spot.
Because we always want to believe the best about our partner/friends, we usually overlook the warning ⚠️ signs.
However, after reading today’s blog, anyone who is bound to an emotional manipulator will be free! In the name of Jesus Christ!!
1. Frequent Fights
The reason Manipulators use Fighting as one of their tactics is because fights are draining. Whenever the person being manipulated tries to express “individuality” or does anything that’s not in the manipulators best interest, they almost always start a fight.
You have no idea why you’re fighting or where their random outburst of anger even came from.
All you know is that you had an idea or felt the need to do something different, and now that idea has been stumped out of your brain by your partner & you wouldn’t dare bring it up again!
⭐️ NOTE: Manipulative people use fights to maintain full control of the relationship.
What to do:
- Stop apologizing & start recognizing this for what it is.
- After hearing them tell you what they think you should do, politely tell them “No, I think I’m going to do it this way this time.” & watch their reaction.
Genuine friends/partners will be happy for you whether you take their advice or not, while on the other hand, a manipulator will be brewing immediately.
**Although, it’s okay to sometimes tell people your ideas and the adventures you want to embark on; you don’t have to tell ANYONE EVERYTHING!**
(Especially if they’re not your spouse!)
2. They’re Always Just Joking
Now anyone who knows me, know I love a good joke! Matter of fact, I’ll probably beat you to cracking one first! However, there is a thin line between Joking & Hurting someone’s feelings.
A person who is always “just joking” is dangerous because it’s subtle manipulation.
They’ll say hurtful things & criticize you but mask it in a joke.
Say for instance, you’ve been telling your boyfriend you want to diet and get back in shape; and instead of him supporting you, he says,
“I think that’s a good idea cause you was looking real fat on those pictures we took together, I wasn’t going to say anything…but you’re starting to look like Rasputia.”
Suddenly, you burst into tears!
However, instead of an apology (after realizing how much his comment hurt) he hits you with a, “Wow you can’t take a joke? I was only kidding!”
Although, you forgive him and move on this time. The cruel jokes continue! It doesn’t matter how below the belt, or cruel they are; you’re always told you’re too sensitive and can’t take a joke.
Back when I was in middle school, I started being friends with this young lady who was very popular. We hung out a few times, but every time we hung out, she picked on me. She would wait until other friends of hers were around, then she would crack jokes about me and get them to join in.
When I questioned why she did that and told her how much she hurt my feelings. She only got worse. Most days she would hurt my feelings but on the days she did compliment me, It felt like water to my soul.
After a while, I began to crave her input on everything I did.
If I bought a new outfit I would say, “Hey, is this outfit cute?” or, If I wrote a song I would say, “I just wrote a new song, is it good?” Her opinion was the only one that mattered. Needless to say, I got a real best friend and moved on.
⭐️ NOTE: This tactic is used by manipulators to lower the self esteem of their partner so they will depend on them for accolades, validation and fulfillment.
What to do:
- Stand up for yourself!
I know you don’t want to look like the bad guy but this is necessary! One thing no manipulator expects to be is “called out.” They may try to shame you for it & say you’re being too sensitive but you know what you see and feel, & you know when someone is purposely trying to hurt you.
You are not stupid!
3. Convenient Needs
If they can’t participate in the fun, neither can you..
Forget about the money you spent or how long you’ve been dying for this vacation, if a manipulator cannot be apart of the fun, they’ll make sure you don’t either!
It’s amazing how fast a manipulator will get sick when things aren’t going their way.
Example: You planned a night out with the boys a month ago and now that it’s the day of, your girlfriend all of a sudden has a panic attack and needs you to come over right now to help with her anxiety. (Which, after agreeing to call off the guys night, conveniently goes away.)
Typical manipulator syndrome if you ask me? 🤔
And pleaseeee y’all..
RUN from those people that fake illnesses just for attention. Lord have mercy those people are the worst!
What to do:
- The next time this happens, offer to help them AFTER you’re done doing whatever it is you have to do.
If this is something that keeps recurring every time you want to do something separate from them, you definitely need to check that. There is nothing wrong with spending time with each other, but if you feel you need space, they shouldn’t try to guilt trip you, for wanting to go out without them.
⭐️NOTE: Every healthy relationship needs space!
*Plus: It gives you time to miss each other!
4. EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL is worse than any other point I’ve made because it’s downright Ugly and can ruin ANY good relationship!
“I’ll kill myself if you leave!”
“I’ll die without you!“
- It can be very dramatic or casual. This tactic is basically used by making you feel fear, & guilt to keep you under their control.
Think to yourself 💭…
Do you really want to be in a relationship where you’re only there because someone threatened to kill them self?
God didn’t give you a partner for you to become each others Idols! In relationships, you’re supposed to feel happy, free, light and the two of you should be growing for the better.
⭐️NOTE: You are not responsible for the total well being of anyone’s health and life. If things don’t work out between the two of you, they just don’t work out. It’s as simple as that.
What to do:
- Don’t fall for it.
When someone threatens in this manner it’s almost always a manipulation and never a real threat of suicide or self harm. But just to be on the safe side, say,
“If you’re feeling suicidal, I’ll call the police or an ambulance for help, but I’m not going to deal with it.”
I know that may sound harsh but it’s often the best (and only) thing you can do to stop this kind of behavior.
This is pretty easy to spot and although it’s listed as number 5 on my list it’s probably one of the first tactics a manipulator uses to test the waters.
Say for instance your partner asks you to do something for them, like (clean up their room).
I know this isn’t the best example, but work with me here! 😅
As you’re hesitating your answer, the look on their face says it all.
You even feel that if you don’t do it, something bad is going to occur later. So, time and time again you relentlessly say “Yes!” over and over again in fear of what saying “No” would do to the relationship.
What to do:
Although, it may seem easier to just give them what they want and work out the escape plan later, you CANNOT feed this spirit! (If you let this behavior grow, manipulative people will even use violence to get what they want).
- Begin to assert authority over your own life and let them know IN LOVE that you simply don’t want to do it.
You do not need a LONG drawn out reason to explain why you said “No” either.
I don’t care if you want to stay in the house all day & pretend to be an underwear model for Victoria’s Secret! It doesn’t matter! You don’t need to explain anything to anyone!
6. PLAYING VICTIM
Let’s say you and your partner get into an argument.
No matter who was in the wrong, what was said, or what actually happened, your partner is heartbroken and just can’t believe you’d hurt them like that.
Even if your partner is the one who actually did something wrong.You’re always apologizing, your partner is always hurt, and helpless, & in need of extra attention & love.
It’s a way to make you feel like you’re a bad, unworthy partner and for them to avoid taking ANY responsibility for their own actions.
What to do:
- Apologize for what you feel you need to apologize for. However, don’t give in to your partner’s constant attempts to shame you.
- Say things like, “I am really sorry I got upset and raised my voice. That was uncalled for. But I will not apologize for being upset about what you did.“
Alrighty, we’re at our last point!
7. PROVE IT!
This manipulation asks you to prove your love time and time again by giving your partner what they want.
When I was dating in the past, there was this one guy that always asked me to prove it! If ever I said I loved him he would say, “Prove it!” and it usually would involve something I didn’t feel like doing at that moment (running an errand) or something I couldn’t do (sex before marriage).
Now, looking back on this, I would tell him to stick it where the sun don’t shine!
BUT since I’m saved!
I’ll let that one go…
Ever heard of this?
“If you really love me you’ll go to the store and get me some hot chips..” or “If you really loved me you’d come to this dinner party with me.”
Then, if you don’t do what they’re requesting, they’ll get angry, start a fight or even compare you to their past partners, saying things like:
“I know one thing, when I was with Harold, I never had to beg him to do things for me like I do you. Whenever I asked him for anything, he would just do it.”
What to do:
- Shut it down!
Say something like, “I can still love you with my whole heart without going to the store to get you hot-chips.” You can also ask for more direct communication. Such as, “You know you can just ask me to go to the store. You don’t have to stake my love for you on it.
Okay gents/ladies I pray this blog blessed you!
If you know any more ways to spot a manipulator or have any other comments drop them in the comment section below!
Thanks for reading!!
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