& gents who always sneak in! 👀
Tonight’s blog will be very short.
This blog is dedicated to everyone who’s walking in purity.
I pray that by reading this I can help encourage you to keep on keeping on! ☺️
I don’t know about y’all..
I have been going through…😓
Within the past few days, I literally have been burning in my stomach and craving sex! So much so, to where ignoring my urges have literally brought me to tears.
I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been praying for my husband lately, (and that’s causing me to think about him more), or if it’s just my body naturally getting tired of waiting.
whatever it is..
I AM ON THE EDGE!!!
January 24, 2019; was such a long day.
Although, it was a good day, it was still long.
When I got home from work, I snatched my clothes off, ran me a hot bubble bath 🛁 & slid into the bathtub.
Sitting, soaking, & enjoying my relaxation. I started to think.
I couldn’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve even kissed a man..
March, 2019 will start my 6th year of purity…
(Although, I celebrate it every year on May 31st, I was actually walking in purity a few months before I actually dedicated my body to God.)
Thinking of this,
I became weary…
As I pondered on my husband..
- Where we would meet?
- Who is he?
- How does he look?
- What’s his favorite food?
Slowly, my mind began to shift from pure and curious, to nasty and naughty. Knowing I could not go there, I jumped out of the tub and began to cast those thoughts down.
Except I forgot one thing..
I had to dry myself off and put lotion on..
Oh Lord Jesus…
Just let him come through the window right now, I thought.
The thoughts to please my flesh came right back! Except this time, they were much stronger!
As I contemplated doing something I know I’ve been delivered from; I exclaimed to myself, “No Takyah! You can’t do that!” I found the nearest piece of clothing, threw it on, and hopped into bed.
I spoke in tongues for a few minutes..
For a moment, I seemed to be okay.
just when I thought it was over,
A rush of adrenaline, ungodly thoughts and urges hit me all at once.
As I became weak, my hands started to go where I did not want them to go, but before I could do anything,
The Lord called my name…
I paused for a few seconds and became still. I wanted to ignore Him, go do my thang, and then come back and repent.
Although I was still..
I did not respond.
As I contemplated on what I should do, He called my name again.
This time more firm.
I peaked my head from under the covers.
“Yes Lord?” 😔
I was expecting him to say something like, Now you know better than that. But He didn’t.
He simply said,
“That is not what you want.”
Pondering what He meant by that, I sat up in my bed. And said, “What Lord?”
And He said it again,
“That is not what you want daughter.”
“What you want, is a husband.”
Knowing what He said was so true. I immediately burst into tears😭!
As I was crying, the Lord comforted me and told me that my husband would be here very soon. He then told me to go to sleep.
I am not sure if He put me to sleep or what, (because He has put me to sleep in the past) However, less than a minute later, I was knocked out cold. (It was only 8pm)
So when I woke up today,
I had a revelation of what God meant when He said, “That’s not what you want.”
And this is what I got from it,
Many times, we let our bodies, our minds, our urges, our impatience to wait on God, and everything else control us and force us into doing something we really don’t want to do.
Whether it be, calling an ex, watching pornography, masturbating or all of the above.
I am here to tell you that
is not what you want..
It’s deeper than that.
You think you want to have sex with your ex, but what you really want is to be loved.
But because you don’t believe that God will give you someone who will truly love you, you settle and keep going back to a toxic relationship.
You think you want to watch pornography, but what you really want is true intimacy.
But because you doubt you’ll ever have that with someone, you create false intimacy and imaginations in your heart and settle for lust & loneliness.
You think you want to masturbate (preaching to myself now), but what you really want, is to feel cherished and safe.
But because you’ve been waiting for sooo longg.. you think God has forgotten about you and instead of waiting for your wedding night (which will be so much more mind blowing), you settle for false fantasies and self gratification that only lasts a few seconds.
Don’t bend to your flesh,
Don’t bow to your urges
I know it is EXTREMELY HARD at times not to do…
But I am here with you…
So, tonight I want you to check your heart, ask The Lord to help you with any urges you may have.
He knows we live in a fleshly body, He knows how difficult living the “pure life” can be, he is not far from our human experiences. However, He conquered it all so we could walk in victory just like He did..
You don’t have to pick up the phone and call that toxic person…
You don’t have to go to that website and get bound to pornography again..
Neither do you have to let your hands touch places they shouldn’t…
Y’all it is HARDDDDDD!!! 😭😭😭
But I promise I am here..
And we are in this thing together…
Don’t settle tonight.
or ever in life.
Because once you do,
That’s not what you really want..
🌸 Takyah 🌸
P.S. If You’ve Never Read My book, “Purity over PASSION.” Right Now I’m having a sale on Amazon Kindle and It’s only $2.99! Click The picture below to read a sample! It’s an amazing read!