I know you may not like the title of this blog but I gotta be honest..
This has been a long time coming.
Not that I write sooo many letters to you or anything; it’s simply time for me to get my mind and emotions together..
Although, this isn’t an easy task to do, it’s definitely necessary.
You see babe, this past year,
I lost myself…
I stopped going out,
I stopped working out,
I stopped having fun,
I declined every invitation I’d gotten to hang out.
I stopped praying and spending time with the Lord.
I stopped getting my hair done.
My hands and feet are not painted as prettily anymore.
My bedroom became my best-friend.
Inside those four walls, I clung to loneliness. I succumbed to depression, and I allowed a stupid relationship status to suck me dry of all joy.
I went inside of this dark hopeless shell 🐚 and only stuck my head out when I thought 💭 I’d met you. As soon as I realized it wasn’t you? I went right back inside my protective shell and snapped at anyone who tried to come in.
If one of my single sisters told me they’d finally met their King👑?
Oh, I congratulated them very well..
I celebrated them by rolling my eyes, raising my eyebrows and whenever one of them mentioned their boyfriends name or asked me to help with wedding plans I’d mumble jealous thoughts under my breath.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’d genuinely be happy for my sisters at first…
but then bitterness would set in…
Most days, I found myself feeling just like Hannah before she had Samuel. Penina being every other sister who’s raved about her fiance’ or asked me to help with wedding details KNOWING I’ve been single for almost 6 years…
Sometimes I got so angry, I sized my fellow sisters up from head to toe.
What makes her think she can get married before me?
I have wayyy more to offer a man than she does!
Who does she think she is?
(I know that sounds terrible).
but the reality is this is who I’d become…😞
And It’s horrible because,
THIS IS NOT ME!
Everyone who knows me knows,
- I’m happy!
- Love Jesus with all my heart
- Have deep compassion for others.
- Hilariously funny (If I do say so myself)
- & fun to be around!
But waiting for you?
Especially this past year…
Has gotten the best of me.
So much so, I’d forgotten who I really was…
Then, a few weeks ago, something amazing happened and I was reminded of the woman God made me to be.
Early September, I was invited to a women’s church event. Although, I desperately wanted to decline and dreaded the invitation.
This time, I forced myself to go.
And a miracle happened while I was there!
Here I am, in the corner, wearing this big jacket, broken, busted, (looking like a homeless person) and The Lord prompts me to prophesy to a young lady..
I’m thinking 💭? How in the world can I prophesy to her when I’m depressed myself? Lord… why are you trying to use me like this? Look at me Jesus! Can you please lead someone else to speak to her? I begged.
Nevertheless, I listened to the Holy Spirit, walked over to the young lady and began to speak (telling her exactly what the Holy Spirit gave me). I hadn’t even finished the first sentence before this woman burst into tears. After I prayed with her, she opened up to me.
Turns out, she was on the verge of commiting suicide, and giving up on life completely. After the event, we exchanged numbers, and a week later I spoke with her again.
I could tell she was much happier than when I’d met her a week before! I could hear the joy in her voice! Then, just when I thought God had used me enough for His glory, she told me something wonderful happened to her the night I prayed for her.
She said, “Ms. Takyah, I don’t know why, but when you prayed for me I felt an urgency to throw away my pornography and other things I brought from the adult store.” She also said she felt a pulling from The Lord to start “living a pure lifestyle.”
Now, she doesn’t know that I have a call to “Purity” on my life, In fact, she knows nothing about me, except that I am a woman with big hair that prophesied to her.
However, after that night and that conversation with her, I kicked myself!
Takyah!!! What are you doing??
God has need of you! Don’t you see why the enemy is trying to distract you and keep you feeling the blues! He wants you to stay in your little bubble focused on what you don’t have instead of what you do have!
You are blessed! You are beautiful! You are a wonderful woman! Yes, the man who takes your hand 🤚🏽 will be very favored and fortunate, but you are more than his future wife!
You are a PROPHETESS!
You are a SINGER!
You are a WRITER!
You are an AUTHOR!
You are an ENTREPRENEUR!
You are an INVENTOR!
You are a FASHION DESIGNER!
You are a DAUGHTER!
And a SISTER!
Although you may not be a mom or a wife yet, look at who you are already!
Since that day three weeks ago, I have taken control of my life! I’ve met a new girl-friend to hang out with who’s amazing! I’ve been spending time with God & reading His word like I used to! I’ve started working out again! I’ve even lost 11 pounds! I’ve been more positive and upbeat about life and situations!
And you won’t believe this!
I haven’t cried ONE night since I ministered to that young lady! Which is a very BIG deal, (Seeing how I was crying 😭 every other night thinking about you).
So, with that being said…
I am walking away from you 😌…
I cannot miss out on souls because I’m upset you aren’t here yet! I cannot miss out on destiny because I’m stuck in a bedroom idolizing marriage. I CANNOT ignore The Holy Spirit any longer because I’m too upset with God to hear His voice clearly.
I am saddened at my behavior, and wonder how many other times have I had my head in the clouds ☁️ thinking about you, that I missed out on a soul, or the chance to impact someone’s life for the better?
Through her eyes, I saw how much God has need of me.
And I needed that…
Although, I love the thought of you.
The thought of kissing 💋 you,
The thought of holding your hand as we walk on the beach 🏖,
The thought of cuddling 🤗 with you by the fireplace as I whoop you in a good card game🃏♠️ ,
The thought of your hands going…
sorry… I almost forgot this was a public blog…
tehehe (evil laugh)..
Baby I lovvveee the thought 💭 of you…
I REALLY do…
But after 5 1/2 longgggg excruciating years of thinking about you, wondering when you’ll come, how will I know it’s you? So much and so forth…
I Just CAN’T do it anymore!
Over these past few weeks, I’ve been more happier than I’ve been in a long time, and now that I know what it’s like to feel that joy in my heart again…
I can’t give that up.
Not for You!
Not for Idris Elba!
Not for Chadwick Boseman! 🤤
or Anyone Else!
Maybe for Chadwick Boseman 🤔…
But certainly not for anybody else!
And You know what babe?
It actually feels really good to tell you that!
Take that Future Husband!
In Your Face!!
But, don’t lose heart babe! When I say I’m walking away from you; I’m still waiting for you as far as intimacy, sex and emotions go…
But waiting for you like I was at first?
I am getting back out there! I am about to live my life again! I’m going to keep worshiping The Father, singing, writing, prophesying and I will never lose sight of WHO I AM ever again!
Although, this is the last letter I’ll write to you or about you, until after we’re engaged 💍. (whenever that will be, don’t really care anymore 🤷🏽♀️) however, I want you to know that I love you..
So, so, so, so much…
This isn’t goodbye, it’s just, I must focus on the Lord 100% now, and leave the idea of you alone for good.
When it’s time for us to be together,
I know The Lord will do what He’s always done, and that’s come through with His Promises, right when I really need it..
Numbers 23:19 – “God is not a man, that He should lie,
Nor a son of man, that He should repent.
Has He said, and will He not do it?
Or has He spoken and will He not make it good and fulfill it?
See ya later baby…
You’re Future Wifey,
👒 Takyah 👒
P.S. This is my favorite gospel song of all time! I thought you might like to hear it: