Everyone wants to find that someone special and live happily ever after…
But is happily ever after a myth or is it a real possibility?
In today’s blog, “Marriage Myths!” Were going to discuss the myths of marriage that many singles believe and the truths that happily married people have already discovered.
Let’s dive in!
1. Marriage is not a Fairy tale…
Many singles, think marriage is a magic wand to their sad love life. They believe once they’re married, life is going to be perfect. Although, marrying the person God has for you can be beneficial to your life and help mold you into being a better you. It most definitely is not a fairy🧚♀️tale.
Fairy tales are (tales) for a reason.
The reason I want to tackle this myth first is because it’s the most dangerous myth of them all. “The Happily Ever After Myth” gives so many singles the mindset that you don’t have to do anything, yet the marriage will simply thrive because “You love one another.”
That myth, is completely false.
You cannot get married, do absolutely nothing, and think your wife/hubby is going to be happy with you.
Marriage is like a garden.
Everyday your spouses garden will need to be tended to. If you ignore a garden for a period of time and never do anything to it, the garden will die! The same goes for your marriage. If you’re not spending time with your spouse, listening to them, serving them, or turning off your selfish desires to come into their world for a change. Your marriage will not survive. Ignoring your spouses needs and continuing to live life like you’re still single is a recipe for divorce.
⭐️NOTE: Marriage is not for the selfish at heart.
2. Marriage Is Teamwork
Ecclesiastes 4:9–Two are better than one.
I couldn’t agree more. Team work literally makes the dream work.
Speaking from a strong woman’s point of view. I know we can sometimes want to do it all. But the reality is, we can’t. There are some things that my husband will be able to do better than me, and some things that I will be able to do better than him but we’re both on the same team! So, it’s a win for both of us!
If I know, I’m not so good with finances, and my husband is a wiz when it comes to budgeting and keeping money. My husband needs to be in charge over it. As long as were saving and making smart moves together, it won’t matter who’s in charge of what!
⭐️NOTE: Don’t try to run everything. You have nothing to prove. If you are not good at something, it’s okay to admit it. Let your spouse take over in those areas your weak in and vice versa.
3. Marriage Is A Compromise
That word sounds like a curse word to some singles. But I assure you that compromising has saved many marriages.
Learning how to compromise on simple things will keep your marriage from experiencing one of those explosive💥 arguments that makes one of you want to leave home.
Say for instance both of you want to spend Thanksgiving with each of your separate families. Your hubby wants to go to his side of the family for the Holidays and you want to go to your side.
Instead of arguing and getting mad at each other, compromise. Let me give you an example of what the situation above would look like compromised.
- Husband: “Babe, Can we spend this Thanksgiving at my parents house, they really want me to come visit them.”
- Wife: “My mom wanted me to come see her as well…” “Hows about we go to your parents house for Thanksgiving first and if we have enough time, swing by my moms house?” “But if we can’t, I’ll spend “Black Friday” with her and go shopping instead.”
(And if they live in two different states)
Hows about spending Thanksgiving with your husbands side and then Christmas with your side of the family.
Do you see how simple that can be?
Arguing and getting all dramatic, saying things like, “You always want to do things your way!” (blah blah) (etc.)
⭐️NOTE: Happy marriages consists of two people who continually compromise.
4. Marriage Is Not Butterflies🦋
It’s been 2 years. The butterflies have faded away. The goosebumps are not bumpy like they used to be.
Oh hush up now! That’s stupid.
Feelings will change but love never does. Many singles have confused lust with love. Lust changes once flesh is fulfilled. However, love never changes, it only matures and grows.
One thing I’ve heard continuously from married people is: Love is a choice.
It is not a feeling. Me having butterflies when I see you, is not love. It’s infatuation. You don’t wake up and decide to leave your spouse simply because you don’t feel a stupid bug 🐛 flying around in your stomach any more.
You do things to rekindle that flame🔥, you take a vacation and enjoy life with just the two of you, (no work, no kids, no in-laws, nothing). You find out what gets your husbands/wife’s body going and you turn up the heat! You invest in your spouse! You don’t go and find a whole new person simply because you want to feel some kind of Immature love high. You make it work with the one you already have.
Love is me waking up and having my husbands breakfast 🥓🥞ready and his clothes ironed before he goes out for his job in the morning.
Love is my husband rubbing my feet 💆🏽♀️after a long day of cleaning the house/work.
Love is me caring for my husband when he gets sick 🤒 (ladies we all know how men get when they get sick! They are such big babies! lol)
Love is me praying 🙏🏽 for my husband when he feels too down to pray for himself.
Love is my husband cooking dinner 🥘 for me on a night when I’m too tired to do it.
Love is ordering take-out, 🍱 watching a good movie 🎥 together and just sitting on the couch to talk afterwards.
Love is me supporting my husband when I really don’t understand the move he just made regarding our family, but I choose to trust his leading anyway.
Love is not this fancy, steamy sex scene of a movie like “50 shades of lust”… I mean gray.” portrays it.
Love is so much deeper than that singles.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8- Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
5. sex, Sex and more SEX!
This point is for my ladies!
While serving my First Lady a couple of years ago, I went to a First Ladies conference and got a chance to glean from the wisdom of these women.
And one of the points I was given for my future marriage was Sex, Sex & more sex!
I know that may sound funny, but it’s true. Men need sex/physical release more than we do. (least that’s what they say)
Sex for men is a prerequisite. It’s the way their bodies are made up and if you don’t keep your shop open for your husband. Be sure that the enemy will do his job on presenting other candidates to him. (some who don’t mind sleeping with a married man)
Single ladies when you get married, initiate being intimate with your man! Your husband shouldn’t always have to come to you first. Stop making him feel like he’s begging you for something that is completely natural to him.
On days when you’re really tired, just think back to all those nights when you were single and was praying to God for this moment. Instead of rolling over and rejecting your husband continuously because (you’re tired), (you don’t feel like it) or some other reason.
Go into the bathroom, make yourself up, refresh yourself if you have to, put on some perfume and put on something cute. And do your thang girl! Do not keep rejecting your husband.
Think how you would feel if the roles were reversed.
Men, I do need to give you a warning though.
Sex is a need for you, and because it’s a need for you, more so than it is for us. I want to help you out so you can successfully dip your hand into your wife’s cookie jar!
If you know you want to be intimate with your wife later on. Start teasing her that morning, send her cute little love notes, stop and get her a cheap bouquet of flowers, show her some affection! Do something that lets her know that you love her and I guarantee you that before you can even hit the door good she will be all over you.
You can’t act up, be mean, say hurtful things to her and think you’re about to dive in, you will not be diving into anything except for a cold bath-tub! The likelihood of your wife giving you anything, after you’ve treated her like crap is slim to never.
⭐️NOTE for the Ladies: What you don’t do another woman will.
⭐️NOTE for the Men: Sex for most women is a affectionate/romantic thing. You cannot be hurtful to your wife and think just because you want to have sex, she’s going to give you some. She is your Wife not a midnight skeezer. So, don’t treat her that way.
6. Don’t you dare say that!
One of the main reasons people divorce, (after infidelity & finances) is due to hurtful/hateful words and continuous arguing.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words never hurt me,” is a lie.
The Bible alone lets us know that’s not true! You literally frame your world by the words you speak.
- Proverbs 18:21 (KJV)- Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
With that being said, you must be careful what you speak over your spouse! You cannot speak death over your marriage and expect life to sprout up from your marriage garden. Be careful of the seeds you plant with your mouth!
You can’t say to your husband:
- Your lazy!
- You never do anything right!
- I can’t stand you!
And expect him to soar and be this great, wonderful husband! Those words are hurtful to anybody!
- Proverbs 14:1 (NLT)- A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.
And future husbands, you can’t say any ole’ things that pops up into your head either. You know what’s hurtful. Matter of fact, you think about what you’re going to say before you even say it. If you’re thinking about saying something that you know would make your wife cry and shut down.
Why say it?
If you have the urge that bad, call one of your friends and pray about it, go outside and yell. Do whatever you have to do, but don’t hurt your wife.
⭐️NOTE: What takes only 1 second to say, can take days/months and sometimes years to repair.
Of course there are so many more points I could give but I think that’s enough for now.
However, I do want to recommend a few things to you.
(I made everything clickable! Simply click on whatever you want and it’ll take you right to the product)
Take the “5 Love Languages Test”
If you and your fiance‘/spouse know each others love language it really does make loving each other so much easier! What makes you feel loved, is not what always makes another person feel loved. Its good to know how to express your love to your spouse in a way they can understand.
I definitely recommend reading “The 5 Love Languages” before marriage!
This book has sold millions of copies worldwide and is proven to help out any marriage! I’ve read it myself and it’s amazing!
Some other great books related to this topic are:
I bought both! I highlighted my favorite pages in the blue book, so that when I get married, my hubby can know exactly what to do… tehehehe…😏(evil laugh)! The books are so cheap too! They’re only 3.99 at thriftbooks.com!
I also highly recommend listening to a few of the late Dr.Myles Munroe’s teachings on marriage. It will bless your socks off!
Lastly, I want to recommend a few movies that you can watch. I believe watching these movies can give you a better outlook on marriage and what marriage can really look like (depending on how much you tend to your spouses garden).
Tyler Perry’s Play: “The Marriage Counselor.“
That’s all for today!
I hope y’all enjoyed the blog!