I never thought I would say this…
But, here I am saying it.
“I Am Afraid To Love..”
There have been some things going on in my life lately regarding you, and honestly they’ve made me back into a corner with fear…
First, there was the books.
A few months ago, wedding books began to pop up in my mailbox, with my name on them, I did not subscribe to buy these books, I did not sign up for a free trial. I didn’t do any of that. And yet, here I am with a stack of them.
Weird thing is, they started coming when I had completely given up on you. I literally told The Lord I would be okay, if you did not come. I asked The Lord if I could just dedicate my life and body to him permanently and not have any children or get married. I asked Him could I live like Kathryn Kulhman.
He immediately said “No.” The day after I asked that, A Bridal-magazine was in the mailbox📬. I asked my mother did she do it? (Because she was the only one who knew about my frustrations). When she told me no. I was amazed! They’ve been coming to my house ever since that day. (This is still an unsolved mystery).🕵🏽♀️
The second thing was, the dress.
In the month of October🍂, 2017 The Lord spoke to me and told me to “Go buy the dress.”
The dress I would be wearing on our first date…
I shrieked inside and began to bite my nails.
In the four years that I have been single, The Lord has NEVER spoken to me concerning dating. A few years ago, He literally sat me down and told me I was not allowed to date. I tried to sometimes get around it, buttt He blocked it.
Let’s just say He really has your back. 🙄
But the crazy thing is, while buying this dress I only had $56.00 in my bank account at the time. The dress however was $77.00. But The Lord literally proved to me that it was time to start preparing for your arrival. When I looked at the price tag He said, “Don’t worry about the price.” So I didn’t. I simply walked up to the counter and proceeded to purchase the dress.
While I was checking out, the girl who was ringing me out told me to wait, she then started typing on the computer and suddenly the dress went from $77.00 to $30.00. She smiled and told me, “Here’s your new price.” I didn’t ask for a discount, I didn’t open my mouth, I didn’t even let the girl know I didn’t have enough money.
It was so crazy!
My mom and aunt (who came with me to the mall) both praised God and thanked Him for His favor. I even testified about this in church. But then…once I realized this was The Lord’s doing and not mine. I started getting really nervous.
And now the icing on the cake…
Last week I had a dream about being married to you.
I did not clearly see who you were, but I could not ignore the Joy and Peace I felt with you. It was one of the most beautiful dreams I’ve ever had.
In the dream, we had a boat/ yacht or whatever those things are called and you drove the boat out on the water and I was holding onto you as the sun was setting. The sun was so bright and beautiful. The water was shimmering.We lived in a huge house with big glass windows. It was close to the river/ocean. And we both were very happy.
I woke up from the dream feeling so many emotions. Mostly joy! But when I started to think about it, I became afraid. And although I am happy you will be coming soon, I am also a little,
well a lot scared…
But I want to tell you that while we’re dating, if I start to run, don’t let me. If I am yours and you are mine, don’t let me get away. Me running 🏃🏽♀️ is not me not liking you, me running is actually me liking you a whole lot. Whenever I cant control my feelings I tend to do that. Don’t be scared if I start to act weird or seem like I’m avoiding you. That’s only my way of saying “I’m falling for you.”
Also, please be yourself. If you’re silly, be silly. If you’re confident be that. If your romantic be that. If your shy be that. If you have a trust problem or some other issue, please don’t hide it from me. Show me your good and bad side. I want to learn the real you, not a fake version of you.
While I’m at it, I might as well tell you a little bit more about me.
Things I like and don’t like
- I don’t like liars 🤥
- I don’t like it when people say, “I want to tell you something, but you know what I’m going to wait.” (Omg please don’t do that. Lol if you’re not going to tell me what’s on your mind right then and there, please don’t bring it up.)
- My favorite foods are (Chicken Alfredo, Breakfast Food 🥞 (especially French toast), and Chicken strips.
- My favorite dessert is Banana 🍌 pudding & Pound cake. (But only when I cook it. I have yet to taste anyone’s pound cake or banana pudding that’s better than mines.)
- I carry “Accent Seasonings” in my purse. 😳 (Yeah…everybody can’t cook) lol. So if the food is unseasoned or doesn’t taste good I will reach into my purse 👜 and bring out my seasonings.🤣 just don’t judge me when I do…
- I don’t mind you pulling out the red carpet to impress me, but I should tell you that I am a very simple woman. As long as you spend time with me and show me you care for me in small ways. I will be very happy.
- My #1 love language is: Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts (not expensive, just thoughtful) like you making a card for me or buying flowers (etc.)
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical touch…😏 (tehehehe..I’m so laughing my evil laugh right now)
- Acts of Service
In that order.
If you want to know what your love language is, click below!
Okay, Back to the blog!
- I love old school music 🎶!!! (Aretha Frankin, Maxwell, Jagged Edge, Lenny Williams, Marvin Gaye, Gerald Levert, Patti Labelle. (Etc.)
- I have extremely cold feet, and I am so putting them on you when we get married.
- I can be very silly at times. But I’m still serious as well.
- I forgive quickly, I don’t hold grudges. (Besides, The Holy Ghost won’t let me hold grudges anyway) but if you ever do anything to hurt my feelings just apologize and it will totally be over right then and there.
And last but not least,
- Please never tell me you’ll do something and don’t do it. (That’s one of the things that will make me dislike you greatly.)
There’s so much more that I can tell you but…. I’ll wait until we finally meet. I just wanted you to know that I am so excited to know who you are, and I look forward to loving you everyday of my life.
Whether I meet you this year, next year, or have already passed by you (unknowingly), I want you to know that I will continue to be faithful to you and focus on The Lord until you get here. I cant wait to pursue Jesus with you! And you don’t have to worry about me loving someone else or giving my body to another man,
Baby, I am waiting for you.
I have literally been giving out church hugs to men for the last 4 years.
Your scaredy cat 🐱 yet excited wifey…
❤️ Takyah Love❤️
Oh yeah, p.s.
Here’s a song I listen to whenever I think about you…I hope you like it! 🙃