At the age of 20, almost 4 years ago, I promised the Lord I would save my emotions, my body, my heart, my romantic ideas and everything else for my future husband and I meant that. However, I did not know I would have to pass up sooo many good men in the process.
Even the toughest of us single women have at least once in our “singleness” gotten to a point where we just wanted out! Out of God’s will and out of God’s plan! And it seems like right at that very moment, (the moment we decide we want out) that we’re presented with a man who looks like “an answer to prayer.”
However, after asking the Lord about this beautiful man, He responds with the same answer He’s always given… “No.” After hearing his answer, we fuss, we fight, we wonder does God even know what He’s doing?
Sis… if you have been through anything like this, I know where you’re coming from. Sadly, this has been the story of my life the ENTIRE time I’ve been single. (4 years) So, if you’re going through this as well, I want to share with you in, “Lord please…Can I have him?” 3 reasons why you cannot have him, and also, why you should listen to God if he says no about a man that is pursuing you; no matter how delicious 🤤 or appetizing 😏 that man may look. (Sorry y’all this new diet I’m on has me a little hungry) lol.
1.🙏🏽He is not in God’s will for your life😭
The number one reason, you should listen to God if he says No about a man is because He is not in His will for your life. The Bible encourages us in Isaiah 55:8-9, The Lord’s thoughts are not our thoughts.
- “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Not only that, but Jesus himself lets us know that we do not have a will. The only will we have is the will of God. You can try to fight God’s will (JONAH) all you want to, but if it’s for you, there is nothing you can do to stop it, and if it’s not for you, there is nothing you can do to make it be for you. Jesus said, I come to do what’s written about me in the books to do, prior to me coming here.
Meaning, he didn’t come down here to kick back, chillax with Peter and the fellas, and use his anointing to attract women by the dozens. No. The Lord did not come to fulfill flesh, he came to fulfill the will of God and be the Saviour for all mankind. Think about it…If Jesus himself had to submit to the will of God in the garden of Gethsemane, how much more do we?
- John 6:38– For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. (NIV)
- Hebrews 10:7– Then said I, Lo, I come (in the volume of the book it is written of me,) to do thy will, O God. (KJV)
- Matthew 26:39– Going a little ahead, he fell on his face, praying, “My Father, if there is any way, get me out of this. But please, not what I want. You, what do you want?” (MSG)
And he was not the only one who had figured this out, David and Solomon said the exact same thing.
- Psalm 139:16– You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
- Proverbs 19:21– You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.
Realizing that God already had a purpose and plan for your life, wayyyy before you could even think about purpose, (Jeremiah 1:5) is the best way to understand what He’s doing in your life. Along this road, you will meet some amazing men, some of which the Lord has orchestrated to pour into you or simply to be a F-R-I-E-N-D. If God says “no” about taking things to the next level with them, you cannot have them! If a man is not in God’s will for your life, in the end it will not work out like you want it to.
The two of you could be going two different places. His life might interfere with what God has planned for you and vice versa. Whatever it is, trust that God knows what He’s doing in your life! There’s no safer place to be than the will of God. It has less confusion, less worry, less stress, less pain and less heartache than you trying to make something happen for yourself.
NOTE: If you get out of the will of God for something, you’ll have to stay out of his will to keep it.
God knows the husband, the business, the partnerships, the friends and everything else he wants to add to your life, He doesn’t need you to try to make something happen, he’s already made it happen. The Lord knows your ending from your beginning, so chill sis! P.S. (Don’t provoke God’s wrath with your disobedience and doubt, you’ll only prolong your blessings that way.)
2.🙏🏽God knows His heart😭
Sis, God knows things about people we do not know. And we have to trust his judgment. We see the smile, the shirt and tie, and how sweet a man can be. Yet, God goes underneath those garments and strips the person for what they really are.
- 1 Samuel 16:7– But God told Samuel, “Looks aren’t everything. Don’t be impressed with his looks and stature. I’ve already eliminated him. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart.”
When I think about the man I was engaged to many years ago, at the age of 19. I was so lost and confused. Without bashing this man’s character (because my “being naive”) played a BIG part in how I allowed him to treat me.
I must be honest…
This man started out clean cut, he had a fun personality and was extremely funny! (Which is always a plus with me) but as time went on, this man turned into the complete opposite, he didn’t dress like he did when I first met him, he dropped out of school, he stopped pursuing everything and just became stagnant in life.
One day while I was cooking he even told me that he was waiting on me to get signed so he could meet certain “celebrities” and basically live it up off of my goals. He was very controlling and from his mood swings I could tell he was about to take things up a notch. Not to mention the company he kept “planted bad seeds” as they thought it was “okay” to hit women…
But guess what Sis??
God gave me MANY dreams about this man while we were still friends!
I wouldn’t have had to go through ANY of those things had I listened! (One dream was so scary that I didn’t even talk to him for a whole 2 weeks afterward, because I was that afraid.)
However, because I didn’t understand the will of God. I kept being disobedient. Months before he asked me to be his “leading lady” (because I was not the only one) The Lord had already showed me in a dream who he really was. But guess what? I shook it off like “no big deal” and God’s just trying to scare me… and no, he wasn’t! He was trying to warn me! He was letting me know that He knew the heart of the man, He knew how things would go, how they would would turn out, and everything else that was about to happen. And honestly, when I look back and see that this man is still in the same spot as before, (4 years later) I think…Oh my goodness, my life would’ve been Terrible! I’m so happy that God Loved me enough to pull me out of a situation I wasn’t smart enough to leave on my own.
NOTE: God will wreck your plans before they wreck you.
That’s why now I am “extremely careful” about men and dating, so many people wear facades in the beginning of relationships that it’s hard to tell if a person is really legit or not. That’s why ladies we have to put our hope and trust in The Lord Jesus! And allow him to direct us to the person he wants us to be with! And if He says “No.” Or “Not yet.” We have to learn to be okay with it.
3.🙏🏽He won’t lead you to Christ😭
The whole purpose of any man+woman relationship is to end up like Christ. Many relationships are not Jesus centered and because of that they quickly go into lust, anxiety, “playing tit for tat” games and being confused.
And because God knows this “new fine man” won’t lead you closer to Him. He says “No.” Now, I am not knocking good men who make “mistakes” because I believe in the grace of Jesus, however, like I said in my book, “Purity over PASSION.”
Even a good man can sometimes slip up, and make a mistake. Yet, that doesn’t mean ‘that mistake’ has to be with you.
But, right now I am talking about the “other man”, you know the ones who are their just to hurt you, play games, get you distracted and lead you further away from Christ. God is not interested in someone who’s going to do that to you. He’s interested in someone who’s going to build you up, love you like He loves his Church, and wash you and present you back to Him and say “Here she is Lord, look at the woman she has become, look at what I did with the gift you gave me.” Not, “Oh my bad, I didn’t mean to make her cry, I didn’t mean to hurt her, I’m sorry God I didn’t mean to cheat but that other shawty was fineee!!”
Ladies, God is a purpose God. He is not going to give you a man who will lead you away from him. He wants the two of you to pursue him together. He doesn’t want your heart all broken, you stressing up late at night, and wondering about some man who’s playing games.
Any man like that is not leading you to Christ, he’s giving you a headache and wasting time. With the man God has for you, the two of you should be evolving for the better! Not acting crazy, cheating on each other and being in the flesh all the time. If you are in a relationship and you’re behaving like that, I guarantee you, that is not who God has for you. What God has for you will be peaceful and will undoubtedly bring out the best in the both of you, not the worst.
Don’t you want that?
Doesn’t that sound like a relationship worth waiting for?
Sis, if you want a relationship that’s peaceful and God-approved. You’re going to have to wait on “who God approves.”
Do not settle.
As hard as it is, and as much as you want to get out of the will of God. Wait… Do not get weary in well doing. As much as it may hurt to see “other couples” kiss and hold hands, and every one else get married or engaged on your timeline… wait..
I once heard a story and I’ll leave you with this…
There was a party of 8 all sitting around at a table in this fancy restaurant about to eat dinner. They’d all placed their orders and within a few minutes the food began to come out. One man had a salad, another some chips and salsa, the third man had a grilled cheese sandwich, the fourth a hotdog, the fifth a turkey sandwich, the sixth a smoothie, and the seventh an egg and cheese sandwich. As the 8th man sat there angry (because everyone else had their food before him) He pounded his fists on the table and demanded to speak to the manager! Right when he was upset and thought about going across the street to go get something “quick to eat” the waitress yelled and said “Sir, your dinner has arrived.” When she sat the plate in front of him all the other guest marveled at his dinner. On his plate was a big juicy steak, a sweet potato and some delicious grilled vegetables. After tasting and seeing how beautiful and delicious the food was, he was happy he waited. Everyone else, after seeing the man’s plate said “Waitress, give me what he’s having!”
That’s what God is doing for you sis! He’s cooking up something big and magnificent for you! The reason why yours is taking so long is because you don’t have an average blessing. What God has planned for you is going to be so big, so grand, so immeasurable that many women are going to say “Wow, God does that? I want God to do the same thing for me!”
Not only that, but because you allowed God to prepare you and you didn’t vacate the “process.” you will be ready for all those BIG Blessings He’s about to bestow on your life!
And when you go out on your first date…and God says, “Yes, daughter..He’s the one.”
You’ll be happy you waited…
Your relationship is going to flow so much, that it’s like the two of you will be synchronized together. And guess what sis? God is going to back you up and protect what the two of you have because you listened and waited for the best He could give you…
Jesus loves you and so do I!