⭐️⭐️THIS BLOG IS RATED: M⭐️⭐️
(For Mature Readers Only)
Oh, I have missed you girls sooo much!! I feel like I’ve been away from you for far too long!! Nevertheless, I am here! And ready to talk!!
So, let’s talk!
One of the questions I get asked often as a young single (23) who’s abstaining is, “How in the heck, are you doing it??”
When asked this question, I usually signal them for a private seat in the corner where we both pull up a chair & talk about it!
Cause honey…it ain’t easy!
From trying out tips on google, to doing funny things *married people advised me; one tip for instance, was to”Go take a cold Shower!” 🙄
Honey…I done did it all!!!
In today’s blog, 🎶Celibacy Blues🎶 I am going to share with you some of the tips that have actually worked for me in the past & are still working for me now!
Okay. Let’s Go!!
🍒💍 Celibacy in effect: Dating 💍🍒
Boundaries: something that indicates bounds or limits; a line you don’t cross once stated or drawn.
Over the course of my years. I’ve heard many church people say that “Dating is wrong!” and “Christians shouldn’t date!”
But, the problem is not dating the problem is *how a person dates… When it comes to “celibacy & dating” one of the most important things I’ve learned is to establish CLEAR boundaries!
⭐️ NOTE: Without boundaries, your flesh won’t know how far it can go before the answer is no.
A long time ago…
(after making my vow to God) I began dating this handsome football player.
We went out on a few dates, talked on the phone, hung out in his car & listened to old school music. Overall, dating him was fun.
One night around 9 p.m.
I invited him over to my house for a date! Our plans were to watch a movie & order pizza.🍕
The movie hadn’t been on for (5 minutes) before this man started rubbing my thighs & back-end. I tried politely telling him “No.”
But he wasn’t listening!
After a few more minutes of asking him to stop & constantly having to move his hand;
I hopped out of bed. And for the first time in my life. I showed a man to the door…
I deleted his number & never called him again.
Now let me go back to what I said earlier. It was not dating him that made it wrong. It was HOW I was dating him.
First of All…
WHAT IN THE WORLD?? Was this man doing coming over to my house at 9 p.m?! Secondly, Why were we laying in my bed watching the movie? (when that same “big screen” is in the Living Room) & lastly, Why was I lying my head on this mans chest? (knowing good-n-well, a man is naturally going to want to hold & touch a woman.)
THIS IS WHY BOUNDARIES MUST BE SET
We cannot put ourselves in situations that God is not apart of and then get mad at the man if something “else” happens! Or worse! Get mad at God for not stopping it!
Although, its true that God will provide a way out of tempting situations. Why put yourself in a place that requires Flesh Testing.
In the heat🔥of the moment…who’s to say if you will take that way out or not?
Here’s some Tips that can help:
- Date “godly men” who are on the same page as you! (don’t talk to anyone who is trying to add you to his “list” of women he’s slept with)
- Date with a purpose in mind. (some men are sent with assignments from Hell just to be distractions)
*Remember? We discussed this in; Three Ways to Know If a Man is Heaven sent or Hell sent.
- Don’t put yourself in unnecessary situations that makes your flesh battle! (coming in your house with him late at night & planning dates to spend over at *his crib* are recipes for disasters!)
- Extinguish the flame before it starts! (Don’t wait till both of y’all are standing naked looking at each other to say, (Lord Help.)
Nip that bud in the beginning!
- Move his hand from off your thigh!
- Turn down Marvin Gaye & Lenny Williams!!!
And for Pete’s sake, if y’all do decide to kiss before marriage.
DON’T ADD THAT TONGUE!!!
🍒💍Celibacy in effect: Lustful Thoughts💍🍒
2. Casting Down Imaginations.
Here is where it gets real…
For years I battled with thoughts.
- Nasty thoughts.
- Perverted thoughts.
- And pornography.
(The Lord told me to be real)
I would watch nasty movies and then tell myself I’m going to do all those things to my husband when I got married!
I would browse for hours ⏰ just watching movies and studying sex because I wanted to be the best.
I will never forget this day…
I was sitting in my room meditating on the intimate part of being married. I envisioned me and some (*made up husband) having sex!
Then after about 30 minutes of heating my mind and body up with all those sexual thoughts 💭.
I fell to my knees and screamed to the top of my lungs…
LORD!!! I NEED MY HUSBAND!!! Pleassseee Lord!!!!!
You gotta send him now Lord!!! HELPPPPP!!!!!
Y’all, I’m so glad God didn’t answer those lustful frantic prayers I use to pray. Cause 3 years ago, I was definitely not ready for a husband!!
Although God didn’t answer my prayers like I wanted him to; he did respond!
He gave me the solution to my problem in one sentence.
“You don’t need a husband…what you need is self control.”
I could not believe this!
Did God just get smart with me????
Although, I now understand, God’s wonderful grace & mercy! Back then I didn’t!
Here I was…packing my mind with garbage! Then expecting God to come & rescue me once I’d finished polluting my mind…
Instead of meditating on”being married & having sex.”
I should’ve been meditating on scriptures such as these:
- ⭐️Philippians 4:8- Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
- ⭐️2 Corinthians 10:5-Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
- ⭐️Romans 8:3-For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.
How crazy of me to think that those things were okay! Just because I wasn’t “having sex” doesn’t mean I was free to do whatever I wanted! *Pornography & having a lustful heart* are just as bad as sex! No matter what people may tell you! (Including fellow Christians!)
Honey please….sin is sin!
Tips to Help:
- Replace Lustful thoughts with the word of God! (When the Lord first started telling me to speak his word over my mind. I thought 💭”Is this really gonna help me?”)
*However, the more I started speaking his word, the less the thoughts came! Before I knew it, I hadn’t watched pornography in a whole month! Then 2 months! Then 3! Till one day I thought about how long it had been and to my surprise, a whole year had passed!! And by that time I was so over it! Instead of clicking on those “pop ups” I began praying in tongues & speaking against it!
- Stay away from movies with too much flesh in them! (One thing I practice greatly is watching what I set before my eyes. I don’t watch anything that excites my flesh. (*cough* cough*) That means movies like: “The Notebook” & “Baby boy 🚲“(for my urban movie sistas) are off limits! Okay??
- We have to ask God for help! (No matter how righteous we may think we are. We all need Jesus and his grace! It only takes a second to fall. So, continue to ask God for his help!)
There have been times when I cried out for help, because my body became 🔥hot & 😫unbearable!
And in those times the Lord helped me so much!
This one time I kneeled down to pray for strength & before I could finish praying, The Holy Ghost literally punched me into a deep sleep!!
When I woke up hours later, alllll those feelings were gone!
However, when I get to Heaven…We still gonna’ have to talk about that punch though…🤔
🍒💍Celibacy in effect: The Promise💍🍒
3. I’ve Come to Far…
When I think of Jesus…
I simply cannot do it.
Ya’ll, I love him so much! I just cannot go out there and sin against him! Although, we all have our battles and deal with flesh! There are just some sins… I must refuse.
God ordained “Sex” for marriage…
Not for a boyfriend. Not for a girlfriend. Not for a fiancee’ and not for ourselves (sex toys)
So, if God wants me to wait till marriage… Then I will. When I made up my mind to give my body to God; I meant what I said, and he has given me the grace to keep my vow.
I have not kissed, been held, been touched or any of the like for years now!
(May 2017 will begin my 4th year of Celibacy)
This is not to brag; this is to give any of you who may want to take the “celibacy challenge” with me hope. I’m telling you sis, it is so worth it!! Not only do I avoid frivolous “soul ties” but I can wake up every morning with a smile on my face; knowing I didn’t give my body to *some man last night (soley for the illusion of love.)
Now, I could go on and on about the benefits… but I won’t.
I’m going to give you just one more, then I’m done.
I know I said “Not to think of your husband* but this time I want you to imagine him…
It’s your wedding night, you have on this pretty little thing that you bought especially for this night…and as you lay down…you get the pleasure of telling him,
“I waited for you.“
Not, “Oh, I slept with Tom in February, Dick in March and then Harry in May.”
When you are tempted to have sex, stop & think about him; and how much he will appreciate you for saying “No.” to all those other guys..just to wait for him…
Now that sis! Is worth it!