Hi, 👋🏽 my loves,
I pray you guys are having a wonderful New Year, as I am. ☺️
My Christmas🎄 was amazing!
My New Years 🎉 (ehh…kind of lazy).
My birthday🎂 however,
It totally made up for the “stay indoorsey” New Year’s Celebration I kind of, sort of, didn’t have.
In today’s blog, we’re going to discuss scapegoats and the people who look for them, when things don’t go the way they want them to.
Understanding these reasons, is one of the things that will help you deal with people who blame others.
Hopefully, by drawing their attention to the (real reasons) behind their behavior, most of them can realize their faults and stop using a scapegoat.
As always, I hope this blesses you!
Let’s get started! 🙃
First, I want to start off by defining the word Scapegoat.
⭐️Scapegoat: a person who is blamed for the wrongdoings, mistakes, or faults of others.
While the blaming of others is very common; still, there is no one reason behind it. Instead, there are many different reasons that could make a person feel as though they need a scapegoat.
Here’s the #1reason in my book.
1. Refusing to admit they are Responsible
Let me give you an example:
A woman is told by her doctor that she must lose weight by her next Dr. appointment.
However, instead of eating healthy & exercising, (in order to obtain that goal), she’s been eating fast food and over indulging everyday.
At her next appointment, when her Dr. questions why hasn’t she lost any weight?
“The reason I haven’t lost any weight doc, is because, my brother keeps bringing home delicious food every night and he knows he’s tempting me when he does that, so I end up eating his food, instead of the veggies I was gonna eat.”
Although, that may sound like a good excuse;
Im sure if her brother was in the room,
He’d be like what?
One of the reasons, I have found people need a scapegoat is because they cannot own up to their responsibilities or admit they’ve played any part, as to why things are, the way they are.
I believe people do this because they just don’t like feeling bad about themselves🤷♀️.
Admitting “they are at fault” in any kind of way, takes the blame off others and puts it right. on. them.
And let’s face it,
that in itself, takes a certain level of maturity that some people are just not ready to walk in.
2. Bullying/Name Calling
There are many reasons people name call/bully others.
Some do it to:
- cover up mistakes
- deceive observers
- discredit or invalidate
- distract or divert attention (from the real issue)
- instigate a reaction
Although, those are valid reasons a person may try to use a scapegoat (by using the bullying tactic).
over the course of my life,
I have discovered the majority of people (who do this) do so, in an attempt to try to control the perceptions of others.
AS WE ALL KNOW,
If something is wrong in the eyes of a bully,
It MUST BE wrong in the eyes of everyone else too.
It’s not enough that they don’t like you, they gotta make sure everyone else around them doesn’t like you either.
Laughing at you, and labeling you; giving you names such as: selfish, arrogant, prideful, witch, (or whatever they can think of at the moment) is one of the common methods bullies use in an attempt to control others & their perception of you.
Don’t fret if you’re on the other end of such negativity. Know WHO you are in Christ and fill your heart up with what God says about you.
- ⭐Romans 8:37– No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
- ⭐Zechariah 2:8– You’re the apple of my eye.
- ⭐Matthew 10:29-31 – Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
In the future, if people continue to name call/bully you or bring foolish accusations against you.
Ignore them & Cut It at The ROOT!
Pray over the situation & give it to God, but Keep your heart PURE! Continue to treat them with love & kindness; (releasing all oughts) & KEEP IT MOVING!
⭐Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.
So Pilate said to him, “Don’t you hear all these things they accuse you of?” But Jesus refused to answer a single word,
– Matthew 27:14
3. Unable to Accept what happens
A couple of weeks ago, I was playing “Injustice” with my niece on my PS4 🎮.
To my surprise, she was actually pretty good and even whooped me a few times. I was so happy she’d learned the few combo moves I taught her, that I was going to let her go to bed an undefeated winner.
In her victory,
she got a lil prideful and began calling me a big fat loser, and talking about how I had to eat some applesauce cause I lost.
I had a slight change of heart and had to teach her a lil some some..
After she lost
a couple of times,
back to back,
she got real quiet 👀…
In all honesty, I had absolutely no pleasure in beating my niece. 🎮
I actually had much more joy (when she was winning) because she was happy! However, I did it for a reason.
I simply wanted to keep her humble. 😂
And on the real?
I believe that’s how God does us sometimes.
We cannot control every little thing that goes on in our lives.
We must learn to be happy in all things, & know when to pick & choose our battles. (And not just the battles we’ve made up in our heads) but the real ones. The ones like, praying family members out of hell & getting souls saved for the kingdom of God.
If we’re being honest, some of the things we want or demand (are not even God). It’s simply (our preference) grilled & rolled up in a hot bun of how “we think” things should go.
If you don’t learn how to be okay with “NOT being able to control every “little” thing” that goes on around you, or in the lives of others. This is how you’re going to be looking as an adult:
Unable to accept what happens,
& unable to face reality.
You are NOT GOD.
And you never will be…
Some things you can manipulate,
some things you can fix to your liking.
some things you may even be able to change.
But then… there are those things you simply must accept as just the way they are.
THE WORLD 🌎
People don’t fall in line to do whatever you want them to do, simply because you snapped your little fingers, or threw a temper tantrum. People have their own wishes, dreams, emotions & relationships, outside of you. 👀
My niece didn’t throw the controller down and say, “Something must be wrong with this controller!” (Because she started losing all of sudden.)
She took that whooping like a G. 🎮😎
She didn’t feel the need to get upset or throw a tantrum, because (even at the age of 8), we have raised her to understand that sometimes you lose, and sometimes you win; but regardless of the outcome, (If you know you’ve given it your all & done your very best) you have to be okay with the results.
I hope you guys have enjoyed the blog so far!
Because we have come to our last point.
4. LOSS OF CONTROL
If someone were to ask me where I thought scapegoating came from?
I would confidently say, (scapegoating/blaming others or the need to be in control) all came from the same tree.
& at the root of that ancient tree would be;
It’s the fear of losing control that is behind the scapegoat syndrome.
When someone finds themselves facing a big problem that he/she can barely deal with, he/she starts to become afraid of what might happen.
This fear (if not given to God) eventually turns into a powerful energy that can only be released through blaming others/scapegoating.
If a person had enough skills to handle bad situations that are happening, they would feel less likely to blame others.
Moreover, it’s the fact that some of us are too unprepared to face our problems, that motivates us to blame others for them.
Some people start to blame others more often when they have a bad day or when they are feeling bad and they usually blame people who are not responsible at all for what is happening to them.
They can say things like, “I want to have a closer relationship with my grandma“
Yet, they never try to spend time with their grandma. Instead, they go out drinking & clubbing & have fun with their friends. However, when the cousin they don’t like schedules a visit with grandma, they call their grandma & say, “Well, I was gonna come over today, but since they’re over there, never mind.”
(As if there’s not 30 other days in the month when they can get together and bond/form a relationship).
If they really wanted to..
A person might even say,”I want to be a better spouse.“
Yet, they rarely read books about being a better spouse, or practice the essentials it takes to run and keep a home happy. Instead they say, “This person or ‘this thing’ is the reason I can’t be fully happy in my marriage!” (However, the ‘person’ or ‘thing’ they swear is keeping them from marital bliss is nowhere around.)
Before you start blaming anyone for anything that happens to you or has happened to you, ask yourself the next few questions:
- Are they the reason I am feeling bad? or is it just another unsolved problem I’m facing.
- Am I having a bad day?
- Am I afraid?
- Do I feel like I am losing control?
- Am I trying to be in control by blaming that person?
Once you answer these questions you will know if you really have the right to use someone as a scapegoat or not; and what you will find in (most cases) is that people are innocent and that its your fears that made you think that way.
Whom is to blame then?
If you are looking for someone to blame, then its your bad mood that should be blamed. It’s your fears, your lack of control and your worries/insecurities that should be blamed.
Perhaps, it’s your life problems that have caused you ‘such emotions’ that should be blamed. It may even be your helplessness or lack of life skills that should be blamed and not other people.
I am not asking you to stop blaming people (especially if they are guilty). However, I am asking you to take a more mature approach & find the real things that should be blamed and then deal with them. 💁♀️
Learn how to deal with uncertainty and lack of control, or better yet, (relinquish the fact that you are not God and cannot always be in control).
I’m sure that after coming to such realizations, you’ll be less likely to blame others.
When you improve your personal skills and become more capable of handling your life problems, your brain won’t urge you to blame others.
At some point IN LIFE,
Even Jesus will require this of you,
⭐John 5:6-8 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” 7 “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” 8 Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” 9 At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.
Let’s leave scapegoating & being petty in 2019.
Start your decade off right.
Knowing that what you do now is laying the foundation for the next 10 years of your life.
Look w-i-t-h-i-n to find the answers to some of the questions you seek,
or better yet, look above…
Be Made WHOLE
and MOVE ON from here.
🦋 Takyah 🦋
Today, December 25, 2019 would’ve been my 1st Christmas with a Husband.
A long awaited day that I had been dreaming of for the past several years was finally about to come true.
I would cook us a Christmas dinner,
- Turkey 🦃,
- Greens 🥬,
- Candied Yams,
- Sweet Potato Pie,
- Hand crafted Peach Tea and all. 😊
We would exchange gifts, play a few games, (Me Whooping him terribly of course) 😅.
And after the festivities?
I imagined we would cozy up by the fire, (if we had a fire place) drink hot cocoa with marshmallows, and just talk…
Such A Joy that would be…
Yep, I really thought 2019 would be my year.
God knew it wouldn’t be.
At least not for marriage, that is…
To be Honest,
I’m happy it’s not!!!
When waiting on a promise from God,
we get tired of waiting,
tired of fasting,
tired of believing,
and ladies if I’m being honest…
WE just get plain old tired of constantly praying for a man who seems to have a broken watch & not know his cue’ was like 5 chapters ago 🤦♀️.
And, in that “tiredness”
we give up.
We try to take matters into our own hands, (as if we’re God) & we end up getting somebody (we know good-n-well is not our God ordained spouse) and try to make it work with them.
is what I almost did this year.. 😔
I was so tired of God’s timing that,
I was willing to give up part of my ordained destiny for a temporary satisfaction.
*Whew! 😓 That’ll preach!*
Even though, God was gently saying,
“That’s Not it Takyah.“
Or, “I have better for you daughter.“
I kept disobeying His instructions…
And the question is,
Like, seriously y’all?
Why are we in such a RUSH (as a generation) to make it across an imaginary finish line?
What are we trying to Prove and who are we trying to prove it to?
Are we trying to win the “Who will get married first game?” that we’ve made up in our own little heads?
Is it the ticking of a biological time clock ⏰? (for those of us who want to start families)
Or is it simply because, we’re tired of friends & family members asking us every Holiday, when are we getting married?
Whatever the reason,
it’s NOT worth disobeying God…
I know this is probably not what you wanted to hear on Christmas,
but I gotta be honest.
We cannot allow ourselves to get in a place that’s so low and so lonely; we accept anything with legs that calls itself a help mate.
We must do better!
Better at holding one another up in our weak moments!
Better at being there for one another!
And better at pointing one another to Christ when we go through various temptations and tests.
(I am preaching to myself as well!)
The greatest lesson I’ve learned this year (in regards to relationships), is that we cannot put anyone in the place of our Husband, just because we’re tired.
It truly is a Sacred,
“GOD chosen” position.
& trust me when I say,
God has absolutely NO problem coming in and tearing stuff up, (to make sure we wait on who He has for us!) Especially, when He knows we’re making dumb decisions in our vulnerability.
The place of our Husband is “Ordained.”
And the timing to meet this man, (from God’s standpoint) will be The Perfect Timing.
And just like a tailored suit,
you will be perfectly Cut.
Just. For. Him.
He’s going to manifest as every prayer you’ve ever prayed,
every dream you’ve ever dreamt,
and every tear you’ve ever cried!
And AFTER receiving HIM…
The “REAL HIM“
It’s going to make so much sense why it didn’t work with anyone else.
All those lonely nights you didn’t let someone toxic get in your bed, (because you knew you deserved more.)
All those times you said “No” to numerous date offers (because you wanted “the will of God”) instead of any ole thing!
God HAS NOT forgotten any of it!
But for now Ladies,
My only request is that you focus on Jesus, your career and your passions!
Allow yourself to fall madly in love ❤️ with Jesus, get in His presence! Let Him Fill you up with His Word and mend every broken piece of your heart!
The last thing you want to do is go into a marriage carrying toxic leftovers & fears from your past relationships with you.
Your Future Hubby deserves more than that.
& Whatever you do,
PLEASE, don’t allow the frustrations of life,
cause you to SETTLE!
I know you’re tired, I know you’re weary, I know you’ve had enough, and every Holiday season Seems to be worse than the last.
But, at what costs do you want to be married sis?
My frustrations almost got me to make THE biggest mistake of my life!
Although, it would’ve been my FIRST CHRISTMAS with “A“ mate, he was not “MY MATE” from God..
Sure, I would’ve been able to have SEX.
Sure, I would’ve been able to say the H-U-S-B-A-N-D word.
But who’s life would I have altered through my disobedience?
How many people would be affected by one stupid decision I made while I was emotional, angry at someone else (if I’m being honest), bitter or trying to prove I’m worthy enough to be a Wife?
God already knows I’m worthy & that I’ll be a wife oneday! That’s why He placed the desire within me. And I’m Going to be a dang-on good wife! Ya heard me? (lol sorry, Memphis slang coming thru.)
However, the time for me to be “that wife” will be when God is ready for me to be that.
Yes it hurt, when God snatched this man out of my life, (& I had to call off our engagement only a few weeks after being proposed to) but just like a Bee 🐝 sting, the pain was Temporary.
So what 🤷🏽♀️, I can’t cook for a man wearing something cute!
I can cook for my family! 👨👩👧👦
So what 🤷🏽♀️ if I have to wait a little bit longer before I can “do the do.”
I’ve waited YEARS! Trust, I can wait some more.
So what 🤷🏽♀️ if I can’t say things like, “MY HUSBAND & I” are going to do blah, blah, blah,.
Who Am I competing with??
I’d rather be married to my (ordained Spouse) than to be married to the wrong person just so I can say a stupid title.
And NOW that I look back, only 4 months after our relationship ended, I am SO HAPPY The Lord shielded 🛑 me from what I thought I wanted!!
So, to the beautiful ladies in waiting,
🍷 I’d like to make a toast…
Another Christmas🎄 Alone = ALL IN ONE! 😊😉
Surrounded by Friends,
Surrounded by Family,
Celebrating our Lord Jesus Christ!
To another year of mess ups and getting out of the will of God,
& Another Year of God loving us so much, that He snatches us right back up and Gently places us back in His will. (lol)
To MY Second Failed Engagement💍 ! (They say 3rd Times the Charm right?) 😂🤷🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
Here’s to getting one step closer to our destinies, and God guarding MY love life like a hawk guarding some food it’s about to eat for dinner!! 😑
To Another year of being Beautiful, Whole & Single…
🎁Merry Christmas My Loves!🎁
Until next time!
Oh and P.S. If you guys haven’t heard my Christmas song, here’s the link!! It’s fye🔥!!
Don’t forget to subscribe to my youtube channel!!!
Okay bye y’all!!! Have a Merry Christmas!!!! 🎁🎄
No matter how much you love someone! No Romantic Relationship is perfect.
It’s normal to fight from time to time with your partner, and disagree on things. But there’s certain behaviors that go beyond arguments and veer into a more serious territory of emotional manipulation.
In today’s Blog, “Manicures, Tears & Manipulation.“ We’re going to discuss how you can spot emotional manipulation and how to deal with it.
First, Let’s define Emotional Manipulation.
⭐️Emotional manipulation: when someone tries to manage the emotions of another person, or exert influence over someone else’s behaviour for self-serving purposes.
Emotional Manipulation can be very hard to spot.
Because we always want to believe the best about our partner/friends, we usually overlook the warning ⚠️ signs.
However, after reading today’s blog, anyone who is bound to an emotional manipulator will be free! In the name of Jesus Christ!!
1. Frequent Fights
The reason Manipulators use Fighting as one of their tactics is because fights are draining. Whenever the person being manipulated tries to express “individuality” or does anything that’s not in the manipulators best interest, they almost always start a fight.
You have no idea why you’re fighting or where their random outburst of anger even came from.
All you know is that you had an idea or felt the need to do something different, and now that idea has been stumped out of your brain by your partner & you wouldn’t dare bring it up again!
⭐️ NOTE: Manipulative people use fights to maintain full control of the relationship.
What to do:
- Stop apologizing & start recognizing this for what it is.
- After hearing them tell you what they think you should do, politely tell them “No, I think I’m going to do it this way this time.” & watch their reaction.
Genuine friends/partners will be happy for you whether you take their advice or not, while on the other hand, a manipulator will be brewing immediately.
2. They’re Always Just Joking
Now anyone who knows me, know I love a good joke! Matter of fact, I’ll probably beat you to cracking one first! However, there is a thin line between Joking & Hurting someone’s feelings.
A person who is always “just joking” is dangerous because it’s subtle manipulation.
They’ll say hurtful things & criticize you but mask it in a joke.
Say for instance, you’ve been telling your boyfriend you want to diet and get back in shape; and instead of him supporting you, he says,
“I think that’s a good idea cause you was looking real fat on those pictures we took together, I wasn’t going to say anything…but you’re starting to look like Rasputia.”
Suddenly, you burst into tears!
However, instead of an apology (after realizing how much his comment hurt) he hits you with a, “Wow you can’t take a joke? I was only kidding!”
Although, you forgive him and move on this time. The cruel jokes continue! It doesn’t matter how below the belt, or cruel they are; you’re always told you’re too sensitive and can’t take a joke.
Back when I was in middle school, I started being friends with this young lady who was very popular. We hung out a few times, but every time we hung out, she picked on me. She would wait until other friends of hers were around, then she would crack jokes about me and get them to join in.
When I questioned why she did that and told her how much she hurt my feelings. She only got worse. Most days she would hurt my feelings but on the days she did compliment me, It felt like water to my soul.
After a while, I began to crave her input on everything I did.
If I bought a new outfit I would say, “Hey, is this outfit cute?” or, If I wrote a song I would say, “I just wrote a new song, is it good?” Her opinion was the only one that mattered. Needless to say, I got a real best friend and moved on.
⭐️ NOTE: This tactic is used by manipulators to lower the self esteem of their partner so they will depend on them for accolades, validation and fulfillment.
What to do:
- Stand up for yourself!
I know you don’t want to look like the bad guy but this is necessary! One thing no manipulator expects is to be “called out.” They may try to shame you for it & say you’re being too sensitive but you know what you see and feel, & you know when someone is purposely trying to hurt you.
You are not stupid!
3. Convenient Needs
If they can’t participate in the fun, neither can you..
Forget about the money you spent or how long you’ve been dying for this vacation, if a manipulator cannot be apart of the fun, they’ll make sure you don’t either!
It’s amazing how fast a manipulator will get sick when things aren’t going their way.
Example: You planned a night out with the boys a month ago and now that it’s the day of, your girlfriend all of a sudden has a panic attack and needs you to come over right now to help with her anxiety. (Which, after agreeing to call off the guys night, conveniently goes away.)
Typical manipulator syndrome if you ask me? 🤔
And pleaseeee y’all..
RUN from those people that fake illnesses just for attention. Lord have mercy those people are the worst!
What to do:
- The next time this happens, offer to help them AFTER you’re done doing whatever it is you have to do.
If this is something that keeps recurring every time you want to do something separate from them, you definitely need to check that. There is nothing wrong with spending time with each other, but if you feel you need space, they shouldn’t try to guilt trip you, for wanting to go out without them.
⭐️NOTE: Every healthy relationship needs space!
*Plus: It gives you time to miss each other!
4. EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL is worse than any other point I’ve made because it’s downright Ugly and can ruin ANY good relationship!
“I’ll kill myself if you leave!”
“I’ll die without you!“
- It can be very dramatic or casual. This tactic is basically used by making you feel fear, & guilt to keep you under their control.
Think to yourself 💭…
Do you really want to be in a relationship where you’re only there because someone threatened to kill them self?
God didn’t give you a partner for you to become each others Idols! In relationships, you’re supposed to feel happy, free, light and the two of you should be growing for the better.
⭐️NOTE: You are not responsible for the total well being of anyone’s health and life. If things don’t work out between the two of you, they just don’t work out. It’s as simple as that.
What to do:
- Don’t fall for it.
When someone threatens in this manner it’s almost always a manipulation and never a real threat of suicide or self harm. But just to be on the safe side, say,
“If you’re feeling suicidal, I’ll call the police or an ambulance for help, but I’m not going to deal with it.”
I know that may sound harsh but it’s often the best (and only) thing you can do to stop this kind of behavior.
This is pretty easy to spot and although it’s listed as number 5 on my list it’s probably one of the first tactics a manipulator uses to test the waters.
Say for instance your partner asks you to do something for them, like (clean up their room).
I know this isn’t the best example, but work with me here! 😅
As you’re hesitating your answer, the look on their face says it all.
You even feel that if you don’t do it, something bad is going to occur later. So, time and time again you relentlessly say “Yes!” over and over again in fear of what saying “No” would do to the relationship.
What to do:
Although, it may seem easier to just give them what they want and work out the escape plan later, you CANNOT feed this spirit! (If you let this behavior grow, manipulative people will even use violence to get what they want).
- Begin to assert authority over your own life and let them know IN LOVE that you simply don’t want to do it.
You do not need a LONG drawn out reason to explain why you said “No” either.
I don’t care if you want to stay in the house all day & pretend to be an underwear model for Victoria’s Secret! It doesn’t matter! You don’t need to explain anything to anyone!
6. PLAYING VICTIM
Let’s say you and your partner get into an argument.
No matter who was in the wrong, what was said, or what actually happened, your partner is heartbroken and just can’t believe you’d hurt them like that.
Even if your partner is the one who actually did something wrong.You’re always apologizing, your partner is always hurt, and helpless, & in need of extra attention & love.
It’s a way to make you feel like you’re a bad, unworthy partner and for them to avoid taking ANY responsibility for their own actions.
What to do:
- Apologize for what you feel you need to apologize for. However, don’t give in to your partner’s constant attempts to shame you.
- Say things like, “I am really sorry I got upset and raised my voice. That was uncalled for. But I will not apologize for being upset about what you did.“
Alrighty, we’re at our last point!
7. PROVE IT!
This manipulation asks you to prove your love time and time again by giving your partner what they want.
When I was dating in the past, there was this one guy that always asked me to prove it! If ever I said I loved him he would say, “Prove it!” and it usually would involve something I didn’t feel like doing at that moment (running an errand) or something I couldn’t do (sex before marriage).
Now, looking back on this, I would tell him to stick it where the sun don’t shine!
BUT since I’m saved!
I’ll let that one go…
Ever heard of this?
“If you really love me you’ll go to the store and get me some hot chips..” or “If you really loved me you’d come to this dinner party with me.”
Then, if you don’t do what they’re requesting, they’ll get angry, start a fight or even compare you to their past partners, saying things like:
“I know one thing, when I was with Harold, I never had to beg him to do things for me like I do you. Whenever I asked him for anything, he would just do it.”
What to do:
- Shut it down!
Say something like, “I can still love you with my whole heart without going to the store to get you hot-chips.” You can also ask for more direct communication. Such as, “You know you can just ask me to go to the store. You don’t have to stake my love for you on it.”
Okay gents/ladies I pray this blog blessed you!
If you know any more ways to spot a manipulator or have any other comments drop them in the comment section below!
Thanks for reading!!
Don’t forget to subscribe!!
Marriage is a beautiful thing…
It’s God ordained,
Filled with purpose,
& a love like no other.
If we ask The Lord, I believe He will help us when it comes to finding our mate, or show us who He has in mind that will best suit the journey ahead.
If God shows you
the one you’re about to marry,
is not “The one”…
Do you risk the embarrassment of calling off the wedding? Or do you just suck it up and make the biggest mistake of your life…
5 years ago,
that was me.
And about to make a HUGE mistake.
In today’s blog, “Marrying Outside of God’s Will.” I want to share my story with you, and in doing so, I pray it helps you with knowing who “The One” is, & who “The One” isn’t.
✨ Before we get started, I just want to say this, “If you are disobedient and set on doing things Your Way and not The Fathers, you may want to exit right now, as you will probably not like this blog. ✨
As I have said from day one, since: “Three Ways to Know if A Man is Heaven Sent or Hell Sent.” I tell the truth, the whole truth and Nothing but the truth!
Now back to the blog!
1. 😓 CONFUSION 😓
The number one sign we all know that God is not in a thing, is the lack of His Presence and Peace.
When God wants something for you, His Peace will follow it, and when He doesn’t want something for you; He will not breathe on it, nor will He give you peace about it.
No matter how many times you beg or ask Him to change his mind; when it comes to His Will being done in the earth, I have known The Lord to be VERY unyielding…
Trust me on this sis/bro…
In December of 2013, my first engagement ring was given to me.
The man that gave it to me didn’t propose, he didn’t get down on one knee, or anything. We simply googled wedding rings one night, ordered two rings and decided; We’re going to get married. Our plan was to elope and have a real wedding later.
Proverbs 19:21– We may make a lot of plans, but the LORD will do what He has decided.
I am not sure what happened or what was attached to that engagement ring, but as soon as I put it on, it felt as if the spirit of The Lord left me.
Although His word says,
Deuteronomy 31:6– He will never leave us nor forsake us;
Still, whenever we discussed marriage, or I tried to wear my engagement ring, it felt as if The Lord did leave.
One time, I was so vexed in my spirit from wearing it, that I took it off & decided not to wear it until the day we got married. (Yes, I was very foolish back then.) Without even getting all deep & spiritual;
in the natural,
I knew this relationship was not God’s best for me! One day we were happy, the next we were upset. Not to mention his insecurities drove me completely up a wall!
Yet, with all his insecurities, anger issues, drug abuse, cheating, manipulative ways & everything else The Lord kept revealing to me ON PURPOSE, (so I could run in the opposite direction); I still proceeded with the wedding.
Two months after being given the ring, we went to meet with The Pastor who was going to marry us. He said if he counseled us for a few hours, we could get our marriage license at a discounted price.
As we sat down to talk with him about basic marital things, it felt as if a spirit of darkness literally came in the room and sat on my head. I couldn’t think straight, I could barely hear what they were saying, and I couldn’t even answer the Pastors questions.
It felt like I was having an out of body experience, almost as if I wasn’t even there. When the Pastor asked me if I was okay, I smiled, but deep down inside, I knew This was not God’s will for my life.
After the meeting, my groom to be set the date for us to be married. Strangely, the Day we picked to get married, fell on April Fools Day…
Y’all don’t even have to say anything..🤦🏽♀️
Even in that, the Lord was showing me, “Your going to be a fool if you get married to this man.”
What makes it even more sad, was the fact I wasn’t even in love with this man. I was simply comfortable and had become used to the routine of being with him.
Since I was not heeding The Lords direction for my life,
The Lord turned things up a notch🔥…
Which brings me to my next point.
2. ⚠️ WARNINGS ⚠️
Warning: a statement or event that indicates a possible or impending danger, problem, or other unpleasant situation.
Although I had many warnings prior to these, I’m listing these because they were the ones I could never forget.
1st Warning ⚠️
I remember it just like it was yesterday. I had driven over to my fiancé’s house and told him I would wait there for him until he got off work so we could spend a little time together. He told me he’d left a key for me under the mat so I could let myself in.
I went into the kitchen and began washing dishes. After about 10 minutes I heard a noise. Since no one was in the house with me, I shrugged it off as nothing.
A few moments later, when I looked up from washing the dishes, standing in the kitchen window was a dark figure with long teeth and red eyes. It stood on the other side of the window laughing at me.
I dropped the last plate in the sink and took off running with tears flowing down my eyes. I ran down the hallway into his bedroom and locked the door, (as if that could protect me from a spirit). After I locked the door, I began to pray. It seemed as if it took hours of me crying and praying before the presence of that Demonic spirit finally left.
2nd Warning ⚠️
The second warning was on one of our famous movie nights. On these nights, we would cuddle, talk and find a funny movie to watch.
On this particular night, I remember him running his fingers through my hair. Although I usually looked away & blushed when he did this; this time however, I didn’t. I stared back into his eyes, and as I did, his whole face changed before me.
The same demonic spirit I’d seen weeks prior, was literally the face I was staring at as I looked at my fiance. After seeing this I scooted ALLL the way to the other side of the bed. When he asked me what was wrong? I told him what I saw. He smiled, assured me it was nothing and we continued to watch TV.
3rd Warning ⚠️
This actually was the last night I slept over at his house. I believe this was the Final Warning from God, and it scared the living day out of me.
We fell asleep after watching Martin and while I slept, I was given a dream from an angel of The Lord.
I was standing inside of this big mansion, it was very beautiful, but it was so broken on the inside, the walls were torn down, the curtains were ripped, and there were even trophies that had my name on them lying on the ground. The trophies were cracked and shattered.
In the dream, as I looked around this gloomy mansion, my fiancé appeared before me and his skin began to change, He became frail, thin, and boils started to cover his entire body. Suddenly, worms appeared and began to eat up his flesh until he became a skeleton. As he stretched out his hand toward me, calling my name,
I backed away…
A few feet behind my fiance was a figure standing in the hallway. When I looked closer, it was the same demon I had seen in his house while I was washing dishes! Except this time he wasn’t a shadow; he was in full form. I could see his body, his long fingers and every detail of his face. He was about 10 feet tall!
& just like all the other times,
He stood there…
pointing and laughing at me.
Seeing this, I took off running🏃🏽♀️out of this mansion! Other People were running too! But, they were running in the opposite direction. I didn’t understand it.
Then as I was running, suddenly, three tornadoes 🌪 appeared from out of Heaven. The wind was so strong, I tried to hold onto a pole. All throughout this dream there was a red hat that was on my head, but it kept falling off. It fell off three times but the third time, when I tried to reach out and place it back on my head, I couldn’t! The wind whiffed it away.
Immediately, after the red hat flew away, the ground beneath my feet opened up revealing a fire filled pit.
I looked up to The Heavens and screamed “God why?” “Why are you doing this to me?” (Now, why I shouted that to the top of my lungs? I have no clue because, God wasn’t doing anything to me. My disobedience was causing these things to happen. The Lord was simply showing me the outcome of what being disobedient could cost me in the end.)
*Back to the blog*
As I screamed to the Lord, my fingers slipped from the pole I was holding on to, and I fell into this Fiery 🔥 Pit…
I screamed so loud when I woke up from that dream!
When I woke up, there was an angel standing on my side of the bed. And he said,
“Warning comes before Destruction.”
His hand was on my right arm and when he removed his hand, a glowing handprint was left on my arm. It took a few minutes before the print disappeared.
After the angel left, I turned over to see my fiancé knocked out cold.
I grabbed my bag, my clothes, I didn’t even put my shoes on! I got in my car and left his house at 5 am that morning! I did not speak with him for a whole 2 weeks afterward. I didn’t tell him why or anything. I was too shook up and scared to even think about that dream.
even after ALL OF THAT...
I still was a fool y’all… 🤦🏽♀️😂
Instead of leaving the situation like The Lord wanted me to, I kept trying to fix it. I got a whole list together of things we had to stop doing in order for The Lord to bless our union.
By this time,
I’m pretty sure The Lord wanted to throw a thunderbolt at me, because I was not getting it!
Even with all the confusion, the darkness and the horrible dreams I had, I still tried to fix it! So the Lord was like, “Okay then…Bet! I got something for your disobedient tail!”
Then…these began to happen….
3. WORDS OF CONFIRMATION 🗣
🗣 1st Word:
I was on the phone one night with my friend who was being trained for ministry at the time. (He’s a minister now.) Anywho, as we were on the phone talking about everything that was going on in this relationship, he simply said,
“Takyah that is not who God has for you.”
I thought 💭 Mhmm.. okay. Since he liked me at the time, I completely ignored him and thought his word of confirmation was biased to his own intentions for me.
🗣 2nd Word:
After hearing what my friend said I scheduled a meeting with my First Lady to talk about this man. I wanted her to specifically tell me this was not who God had for me.
It’s like I kept looking for ways to justify this relationship; even though I knew God wanted me out of it. I wanted a sign to confirm it. Sadly, God’s voice was not enough for me back then.
Although she didn’t tell me he wasn’t my spouse, she did however, give me a simple instruction to follow. She said, “Takyah, stop having sex with him and during this time, ask the Lord to reveal to you who he really is.”
She said, “I see where you have tried to leave him before and right when you were done with the relationship he would have sex with you or manipulate you & you would stay.” “Once you stop being intimate with him, and ask The Lord to reveal to you who he is, I believe you’re going to have the answer you seek.”
Once I did what she said, I definitely noticed a difference. For the first time, I’d began to see him for who he truly was, (not who I wanted him to be) & let’s just say, (now that the blinders were starting to come off), I did not like who I saw.
However… because of the soul tie we already formed from sex, and being emotionally connected for over 2 1/2 years, (we were friends for 2 years before we started dating) still, it wasn’t enough to make me leave.
But the next Word of Confirmation was…
🗣 3rd Word:
It was a nice Spring night. I cuddled up in my bed with Napoleon 🐶, got me a glass of crisp cranberry juice & turned my TV to TBN. I prayed to the Lord, worshipped, and I felt so good! 😊
Around 3 a.m. The Holy Spirit shook me awoke. He told me to turn my tv up, so I did.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to hear.
Right when I turned my TV up this preacher who was preaching, paused from His Message, and began to prophesy,
“I don’t know who you are, but you’re a young lady, you’re in a relationship with a boy, that’s right! He’s not even a man! He was sent by Satan to destroy you, destroy your ministry, and destroy your destiny! The Lord said, if you continue to get married to this man and stay in that mess, in 6 months, you will not even recognize yourself.” “And not only will you not be able to recognize yourself, but in a years timing you will get a divorce.” He continued, “As a matter of fact, you’re watching me on TV right now. I know I don’t know you, but the Lord said, Obey Him and watch what He’ll do in your life.”
After he was done with that brief word, he went back to preaching his message as if what he’d said WAS NO BIG DEAL, meanwhile I’m in shock with my mouth glued to my chest.
That, Ladies and gentleman, was the last nail in the coffin..
Ever since I was a child, I told myself, I am only getting married once. So, it had to be to the right person! I made up my mind that when I got married, I would not get a divorce! The Lord knew I hated divorce, and for a man I don’t even know to prophesy that to me personally through the TV,
Y’all, I was messed up.😳
When I gathered myself, I said, “Okay Lord, I’ll obey.”
One Of The Hardest Days of My Life
The next evening I drove to my fiance’s house, I cooked dinner for him as I had done many times before and once both of us were done eating, his parents came and joined us.
After we finished eating, I opened my mouth & it just came out,
“I cannot marry your son.”
His father’s face went sour, and his mother looked confused. When they questioned “Why?” I told them, “The Lord said If I marry him I will be out of His Will.” His mother jumped up from the table and shook her head, “You can marry whoever you want, God gives us free will!”
I told her, “Although, that may be true for some people, I don’t think The Lord has given me that option.” His Father butted in with his own comments, even mumbling under his breath that I was crazy.
After everyone calmed down a bit, they said,
“Well, we cannot stop you.”
“Do what you think is best.”
I began to cry and so did my fiance. I went into my purse, pulled out my engagement ring and placed it in my fiance’s hand.
I apologized to them all, and I left…
When I tell y’all that was the hardest thing ever!!!
I was soo scared, I wondered, What are they going to think of me? What will his family & friends say about me? Here we are about to get married, and a month before our Wedding, I am leaving the relationship completely.
This is Crazy…
However, once the Lord gave me the strength I needed to finally leave that toxic relationship, I haven’t looked back since.
And the peace that followed obeying God??
Oh my gosh!!!
It was incomparable to anything I’d ever felt before!
I could feel the presence of The Lord stronger than ever and His JOY overtook me. I was happy, smiling again, glowing & felt as if a weight had literally been taken off my shoulders.
My relationship with The Lord was crazy dope! After I got rid of the relationship that was draining me, I began experiencing The Lord’s glory like never before.
Me and “Jesus Chroist!!” literally became two peas in a pod.
Although, I know this blog is kind of long, I must give you one more point…
Then I’ll be done…
4. KNOWING 😔
The thing about dating someone outside of God’s will is this:
You Already Know It..
You know because you have no peace, you know because you’re confused, you know because you feel uneasy when you get around them,
It’s just a knowing in your spirit.
Yet, because of fear you stay with this person anyway…
Whether your fear is stemmed from:
- hating change (so you stay)
- being scared of the outcome if you leave
- hating to start over (because you’ve invested so much into this)
- wondering what people would say if you left
- or something else (bleh, blah. (etc.)
Whatever it is, it’s still FEAR.
I am here to tell you that neither of those fears are bigger than The LORD…
Y’all, I can go on and on with this, but I am done..
I believe I have said everything The Lord wants me to say.
Just know sis/bro that whatever you have to give up for the Lord’s will to be done,
Will be multiplied and given back to you a 100x better than what you gave up.
The months, years, or even decades you have wasted on the wrong person will be restored.
I promise you.
God is not a man that he must lie.
And one more thing…
I promise this is the last thing y’all! 😂
If God gives you someone that is beautiful on the inside as well as the out, someone who prays for you, loves you unconditionally, serves you, caters to you, cherishes you, and cares for you, even when you’re at your worst.
Don’t be stupid.
If you have God’s stamp of approval, His peace, your relationship is blooming, the both of you are growing, and you’re stronger together than you ever were being by yourself.
Don’t mess it up…
*God ordained covenants* are so rare these days, because many people settle in the wilderness before they make it to the promised land..
With that being said,
If you’ve made it to the promised land and you’re with the one who makes your soul jump
and The Lord is in it👀 …
Stay right There sis/bro…
Stay right there…
& gents who always sneak in! 👀
Tonight’s blog will be very short.
This blog is dedicated to everyone who’s walking in purity.
I pray that by reading this I can help encourage you to keep on keeping on! ☺️
I don’t know about y’all..
I have been going through…😓
Within the past few days, I literally have been burning in my stomach and craving sex! So much so, to where ignoring my urges have literally brought me to tears.
I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been praying for my husband lately, (and that’s causing me to think about him more), or if it’s just my body naturally getting tired of waiting.
whatever it is..
I AM ON THE EDGE!!!
January 24, 2019; was such a long day.
Although, it was a good day, it was still long.
When I got home from work, I snatched my clothes off, ran me a hot bubble bath 🛁 & slid into the bathtub.
Sitting, soaking, & enjoying my relaxation. I started to think.
I couldn’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve even kissed a man..
March, 2019 will start my 6th year of purity…
(Although, I celebrate it every year on May 31st, I was actually walking in purity a few months before I actually dedicated my body to God.)
Thinking of this,
I became weary…
As I pondered on my husband..
- Where we would meet?
- Who is he?
- How does he look?
- What’s his favorite food?
Slowly, my mind began to shift from pure and curious, to nasty and naughty. Knowing I could not go there, I jumped out of the tub and began to cast those thoughts down.
Except I forgot one thing..
I had to dry myself off and put lotion on..
Oh Lord Jesus…
Just let him come through the window right now, I thought.
The thoughts to please my flesh came right back! Except this time, they were much stronger!
As I contemplated doing something I know I’ve been delivered from; I exclaimed to myself, “No Takyah! You can’t do that!” I found the nearest piece of clothing, threw it on, and hopped into bed.
I spoke in tongues for a few minutes..
For a moment, I seemed to be okay.
just when I thought it was over,
A rush of adrenaline, ungodly thoughts and urges hit me all at once.
As I became weak, my hands started to go where I did not want them to go, but before I could do anything,
The Lord called my name…
I paused for a few seconds and became still. I wanted to ignore Him, go do my thang, and then come back and repent.
Although I was still..
I did not respond.
As I contemplated on what I should do, He called my name again.
This time more firm.
I peaked my head from under the covers.
“Yes Lord?” 😔
I was expecting him to say something like, Now you know better than that. But He didn’t.
He simply said,
“That is not what you want.”
Pondering what He meant by that, I sat up in my bed. And said, “What Lord?”
And He said it again,
“That is not what you want daughter.”
“What you want, is a husband.”
Knowing what He said was so true. I immediately burst into tears😭!
As I was crying, the Lord comforted me and told me that my husband would be here very soon. He then told me to go to sleep.
I am not sure if He put me to sleep or what, (because He has put me to sleep in the past) However, less than a minute later, I was knocked out cold. (It was only 8pm)
So when I woke up today,
I had a revelation of what God meant when He said, “That’s not what you want.”
And this is what I got from it,
Many times, we let our bodies, our minds, our urges, our impatience to wait on God, and everything else control us and force us into doing something we really don’t want to do.
Whether it be, calling an ex, watching pornography, masturbating or all of the above.
I am here to tell you that
is not what you want..
It’s deeper than that.
You think you want to have sex with your ex, but what you really want is to be loved.
But because you don’t believe that God will give you someone who will truly love you, you settle and keep going back to a toxic relationship.
You think you want to watch pornography, but what you really want is true intimacy.
But because you doubt you’ll ever have that with someone, you create false intimacy and imaginations in your heart and settle for lust & loneliness.
You think you want to masturbate (preaching to myself now), but what you really want, is to feel cherished and safe.
But because you’ve been waiting for sooo longg.. you think God has forgotten about you and instead of waiting for your wedding night (which will be so much more mind blowing), you settle for false fantasies and self gratification that only lasts a few seconds.
Don’t bend to your flesh,
Don’t bow to your urges
I know it is EXTREMELY HARD at times not to do…
But I am here with you…
So, tonight I want you to check your heart, ask The Lord to help you with any urges you may have.
He knows we live in a fleshly body, He knows how difficult living the “pure life” can be, he is not far from our human experiences. However, He conquered it all so we could walk in victory just like He did..
You don’t have to pick up the phone and call that toxic person…
You don’t have to go to that website and get bound to pornography again..
Neither do you have to let your hands touch places they shouldn’t…
Y’all it is HARDDDDDD!!! 😭😭😭
But I promise I am here..
And we are in this thing together…
Don’t settle tonight.
or ever in life.
Because once you do,
That’s not what you really want..
🌸 Takyah 🌸
P.S. If You’ve Never Read My book, “Purity over PASSION.” Right Now I’m having a sale on Amazon Kindle and It’s only $2.99! Click The picture below to read a sample! It’s an amazing read!
If God had a plan for your life would you do it?
Or would you keep walking down your own path?
Although, looking at the question, many people would say, “Of course I’ll do the Will of God!” However, so many times in life, when it comes to choosing His Will and trusting His plans over our own, it’s much easier said than done.
In today’s blog, I am going to share with you “3 lessons” I have learned about the Will of God. I pray that the stories & lessons I am about to share with you, give you a sense of purpose and the courage you need to walk into your destiny.
1. The Will of God is Not The will of “The people.”
⭐️Galatians 1:10 – Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
A little while ago, the Lord told me to leave a place and not look back. He told me my time was up and even directed my steps on where to go next. “His peace,” along with several confirmations followed the instructions I was given.
However, a few months later, people began to tell me, “I was Out of the will of God.” Listening to people, my peace began to be disturbed, and I was thrown into what felt like a big ball of confusion.
Wanting so badly to be in (What people told me was the will of God for my life) I left where He’d placed me, and went back to where The Lord specifically told me not to go back to.
Now, there is nothing wrong with the place I left or the people there, I learned soooo much from them and they are amazing mentors!
However, much like Elijah, the season was up for me to stay there.
1 Kings 17: 2-9 – God then told Elijah, “Get out of here, and fast. Head east and hide out at the Kerith Ravine on the other side of the Jordan River. You can drink fresh water from the brook; I’ve ordered the ravens to feed you.”
Elijah obeyed God’s orders. He went and camped in the Kerith canyon on the other side of the Jordan. And sure enough, ravens brought him his meals, both breakfast and supper, and he drank from the brook.
Eventually the brook dried up because of the drought. Then God spoke to him: “Get up and go to Zarephath in Sidon and live there. I’ve instructed a woman who lives there, a widow, to feed you.”
Often times, we as people try to make the old instructions God gave us, fit for the new season. But, it doesn’t work that way.
If Elijah would’ve went back to the brook, he would’ve been hungry, out of the will of God and eventually, (from his disobedience & not moving when God said move) he would’ve died. God’s provision for Elijah was no longer at the Kerith Ravine, but was now in Zaraphath with the widow woman.
⭐️Note: Don’t hold onto anything or any place the Lord is telling you to let go of, or move from.
When I went back to the old place, I had no joy, no peace, I was disturbed in my spirit, and I cried for months on end. If this was truly God, why was obeying Him so painful? Why didn’t I have His peace anymore?
But because “people told me” that was God’s will for my life, I fooled myself into thinking the same thing, and I stayed. By that one act of disobedience, I suffered and remained stagnant for almost 2 years.
Now, many months later, (18 months to be exact).
I took a trip to GHANA.
And on this trip,
The Lord gave me instructions on what I needed to do for my life to get back in His will.
And guess what y ‘all?
I am back where The Lord put me years ago! Although my first emotion was anger, because I felt I’d just wasted 18 months of my life that I can never get back! Nonetheless, I do know that The Lord is a redeemer of lost time.
Joel 2:25 – I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten
The lesson in this first story, is to listen to God. Regardless of what anyone say’s, and regardless of how any one feels.
It doesn’t matter if its your career, your church, your friendships or anything else! If The Lord speaks to you, and tells you to do something, you must obey Him at all costs and have an unshakeable, unmovable Faith in what He told you to do.
2. The Will of God is Not Impulsive!
Impulsive – acting or done without forethought. hasty, emotional, rash.
⭐️Philippians 4:6 -7 – Don’t be anxious about anything; rather, bring up all of your requests to God in your prayers and petitions, along with giving thanks. Then the peace of God that exceeds all understanding will keep your hearts and minds safe in Christ Jesus.
A few years ago, I was watching this story on tv, it was an interview with this young man who was single and heavily involved in ministry. One day, after service his pastor pulled him and another young lady aside.
He told the man he was to marry this young lady, (who he later found out was the pastors niece) and that she was the wife God ordained him to be with.
In the interview the man said, I was not attracted to her, I did not like her and she was not even the type of woman I pictured myself marrying.
But, listening to The man of God, he took the woman out on a few dates, and after a while, she began to grow on him. A year later he married her, and 6 months after that they were getting a divorce.
Sadly, this is not the first story I’ve heard like this, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. The story ends with the man marrying another young lady he was already interested in (prior to the disaster) and they have been married for over 17 years now. His whole interview was about hearing the voice of God for yourself and not letting people control your destiny.
Although, that is a hard lesson for anyone to learn, one thing we as Christians must understand is that,
⭐️Note: No one can tell you the will of God for your life. Only God can.
Just like I got fed up with being confused and listening to people and fled to Ghana for 3 weeks; sometimes it takes drastic measures for you to hear the voice of the Lord over the voice of The people.
Because this man just went with the flow and allowed someone to project their will onto him without thinking twice about it, he later had to pay the price for it, with divorce.
Ladies and gents, the will of God is not hasty and sporadic! Just because someone tells you something, doesn’t mean that’s the will of God for your life.
If you’re going to school to be a doctor, and you go to a church one day, and a prophet says, “I see you being a hair dresser!” And you know good and well you don’t know nothing about no hair.
That doesn’t mean you go and change your major just because some prophet told you to. (Every Prophet does not speak for The Lord)
True words from the Lord come to CONFIRM what The Lord has already shown you, told you, or placed in your spirit. But they do not come to throw you off course if you’re already walking in His Will for your life.
And when it comes to spouses…
Leave that in God’s hands…
Don’t let nobody put you with someone talking about, “It’s God ordained” just because that’s their niece, nephew, friend or second cousin twice removed.
Unless of course,
You wanna look like this on your wedding day!
Lately, I’ve been studying and finding out a whole lot about the will of God, and concerning spouses?
I’ve learned, people will tell you the very person who God has ordained for your life is not for you, and a person He hasn’t ordained for your life, is for you. 🤦🏽♀️
I remember listening to Amanda Ferguson a while ago, (I love her vlogs)! And on her periscope, she talked about how so many people came to her, and told her not to marry her now husband, (who she’s been happily married to for years); & check this out y ‘all, some of them were even close family members!
Now, looking at how far God has brought them, the favor of God on their lives and their marriage, and how much they’re still in love with each other, she said she would’ve been a fool had she listened to them.
So, please hear me y’all..
It’s just not that deep…
When it was time for Isaac to get married, Abrahams servant (who had been sent out to find Isaac a wife) prayed to The Lord and asked for a specific sign to know who God had chosen for Isaac. Even though Rebecca came right over and did the very thing he prayed for! (Confirming The Lord was in this), Rebecca still had to make a decision.
She could either choose to stay at home with her family or she could choose to go with the servant & marry Isaac. However, even with all the confirmations from God, she still had to make her own choice.
With that being said,
The Lord may draw you to a person, He may give you dreams about this person, He may give you sign, and He may even ignite a fire in your heart for this person, but walking you down the aisle by your hand and forcing you to marry them..
God will not do.
The Lord shows us His will many times, and in many ways, He may make you uncomfortable outside of His will, but still, He will never force His will upon you.
And one more thing,
⭐️Anyone telling you to hurry up and get married or to hurry because God said this or that, pleaseee be Leery 👀 of them because God is not into the hasty business.
(I will talk more about this in my Next Blog though)
Last, but most certainly not least…
The point I have learned the most is…
3. You Cannot Escape The Will of God!
Since I’ve already given you examples as to how you can know the will of God for your spiritual life and your love life, I wanted to end the blog by touching on your destiny, which is tied to your purpose, and your purpose is the reason you are here in this world.
Just like a man invented a shoe 👞 to solve a bare feet problem, a tooth brush to solve a stinky breath and gingivitis problem.
You are here for a purpose, and The Lord placed you here to solve a problem in the Earth🌍.
You are not a mistake!
Even if you have been told that your entire life, I am coming to let you know that is a lie from the enemy! God foreknew you and predestined you for His purpose before you were ever born!
⭐️Jeremiah 1:5 – Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you,
before you were born, I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.“
Just recently, The Lord told me what He wanted me to do regarding the gifts and talents He’d placed within me.
When He told me,
I could have smacked myself.
Turns out, the very music He want’s me to sing, is something I already knew deep within my heart years ago..
but, just like everything else the Lord showed me,
I ran from it.
I wanted to sing/write for money. I wanted me and my family to live well off. Honestly, I could care less about what God wanted me to do with my talents.
I mean they are My Talents right?
Ignoring those tugs to sing for The Lord, I rejected what I already knew and signed a publishing deal. Here I was, 21 years old, and about to start making over a hundred grand a year! Two weeks after signing the contract, I had gotten my first advance! Which was over 50,000 dollars.
I felt on top of the world!
However, that was as far as I got.
Shortly after I signed my publishing deal, people began to walk away.
My manager, my lawyer, my social media team.
The record deals and contract offers, started slowing down as well.
I am ashamed to say this went on for 4 years before I finally got the point.
(I can be so stubborn at times)
While I was in Ghana, on what I now call My Destiny Trip, The Lord spoke to me again,
“Takyah, I want you to sing for me.”
Except this time,
Unlike all the other times when I was full of pride..
This time, I was broken..
And when He asked me to sing for Him again
I couldn’t refuse..
I lifted my hands to The Father, and with tears streaming down my face,
I cried out, “Yes Lord, I’ll sing for you! Please…Father, I want to.”
Once I uttered those words, the Peace of God overtook me,
& since that very moment, I have been drenched in His peace.
I’m able to feel His presence again.
And I am so very happy…
I have been out of the will of God so long, that I forgot what it felt like to be in it.
It’s a joy unexplainable, It’s an assurance of His Approval that doesn’t need to be confirmed.
Yall… I am so happy!
So much so, that I am crying right now even writing to you..
but these are not tears of Pain or Sadness,
They are tears of Joy.
Now that I look back on my life, It’s kind of sad, seeing how many times I asked The Lord, “Lord what do you want me to do? Show me your will!” And Every time He would show me, I would say, “Nah…that can’t be it. Lord show me what you REALLY want me to do!”
To go in circles for years and find out that His will is exactly what He showed me the first time..
Do I feel stupid?
But You know what?
The lessons I’ve learned over the past few years will continue to teach me for a lifetime.
Sis/Bro, God didn’t place you here to party, have wild sex, get on drugs and live selfishly for yourself. Although, you can go on doing life your way; I want you to know, He did place you here to do His Will. There are books about you, already written in Heaven. How your life will go, who you will marry, even down to your very last breath. However, you cannot access these books or what’s written in them apart from The Very One who wrote it.
⭐️Hebrews 10:7 – Then I said, ‘Here I am—it is written about me in the scroll—
I have come to do your will, my God.
⭐️Hebrews 12:2 – looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith,
At the end of your journey, one thing that is true..
Is that your spirit will leave your body and you will stand before The Father…
And when you do…
“the people” will not be standing with you
“your family” will not be standing with you
“your parents” will not be standing with you
“The fear that made you disobey God” will not be there
“Neither will the doubt or the pride”
The only thing that will be there, is you and The Lord.
And when you are standing before Him..
Giving an account on what you did with the life He gave you…
Will He call you unprofitable? Or will He smile and Welcome You in?
Is all yours.
So whoever you are, and wherever you are,
If you’re out of the will of God or have any confusions about God’s will for your life.
Go to Him.
Talk to Him.
And wait for His answer.
But I am telling you,
Do what you must to get back in His Will.
Your “Well Done Thy Good and Faithful Servant” depends on it…
I have never done this before but The Holy Spirit told me to do it and I am following His leading,
If you don’t know Jesus and want to know Him, and you want to experience The Love He has for you in a tangible way.
Repeat this prayer,
I admit I have sinned. I have done many things that don’t please you. I have lived my life for myself only. I am sorry, and I repent. I ask you to forgive me.
I believe that you sent your son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for me, to save me. You sent Him to do what I could not do for myself. I come to you now and ask you to take control of my life; I give it to you. From this day forward, help me to live every day for you and in a way that pleases you.
I love you, Lord, and I thank you that I will spend all eternity with you. In Jesus name I pray.
If you’ve just prayed that prayer Welcome to the family! Inbox me, and let me know if you want, and I’ll help you understand the beautiful life changing decision you’ve just made!
Until next time My loves!
I miss talking to you girls so much!
There are SO many things I want to tell you thats happened in my personal life since my last blog!
However, I’ll wait to spill all those juicy details when The Lord gives me permission ☺️.
As we all know, cuffing season has officially begun!
With that being said,..
Starting a new relationship around this time of year can be tricky if you don’t know what to look for in a good man.
With the Holidays right around the corner and men dishing out their best “smooth criminal lines.” It can be difficult to discern if a man is really interested in you or if he just wants to stay warm for the winter.
Today, I will be giving tips on how you yourself can spot a man who’s worthy of your time and worth keeping around.
(Even after the Holidays have passed).
1. He Does What He Says
The number one sign you’re dating a great man is that he often does what he says.
The reason I said often is because we do know things happen and plans can change due to situations that are beyond our control.
However, a man who breaks his promises and cancels on you consistently is a man who doesn’t value you.
When a man loves you, or is interested in you sis, HE WILL SHOW YOU! A lot of guys talk a good game, but the man who backs up his words with actions; is definitely a keeper.
⭐️NOTE: A man’s love for you lies in his actions not 🚫 his words.
2. He Compromises
What really sets a man apart from all the rest, is his ability to compromise.
If a man is willing to admit his mistakes, and find a solution to how he can make things right or better for the two of you.
Hold on to him sis!
Men disappoint women, and women disappoint men. We’re all human and we all make mistakes. A person’s character isn’t revealed when they make a mistake. It’s what one does AFTER making the mistake that matters most.
If a man does something that you didn’t like and he puts his pride aside to make things right with you, that speaks V-O-L-U-M-E-S to his character and let’s you know he won’t be the type of husband that runs every time a problem surfaces.
But, if a man shuts down & runs away every time you confront him about something he’s doing that hurts you.
Think about where you want this relationship to go sis?
Do you really want to be married to a man who:
- always thinks he’s right,
- never compromises
- & never even takes the time to hear you out?
If he’s running away from you now & avoiding his wrongs in the courting stage, just imagine how he will act if the two of you get married!
⭐️NOTE: Also, make sure your relationship is a safe haven for him to express himself!
Another reason men don’t like admitting when they’re wrong is because women have a tendency to rub their noses👃🏾 in it!
When a man is wrong and he apologizes, accept his apology and MOVE ON! Do not sit there talking about what he did for days on end! Doing that makes it so much harder for him to come and talk to you the next time.
3. He Points You to Christ
A trait that is beautiful yet so rare these days, is a man who knows how to give a woman back to The Lord!
There is this song called: “Lord I Lift Her Up” by T.D. Jakes and I absolutely love it!
In this song, the man is telling his woman:
Baby I love you. I will hold you in my arms, I will kiss you and let you cry on my chest when you need to, but I am not GOD. In this song, the man is praying to the Lord about the woman he loves, and he’s lifting her up to the Lord in prayer so she can find true peace. Peace he realizes only The Lord can provide for her.
A man from The Lord, will want you to be as close to The Father as he is. He will not come into your life to distract you, nor will he try to take your mind off the things of God.
If you’re dating a man who loves The Lord and leads you to Christ when times get rough, he is a man that is nothing short of Amazing.
Okay ladies, here we are at our last point!
And if your man does this?
Let me know right now, so I can get hooked up with his brother!
A good sign to know if a man is really worth keeping is if,
4. He Does Chivalrous Things for You
Chivalry: courteous behavior, politeness, especially that of a man towards women.
Buying you flowers for no reason, Opening up doors for you, and calling you to make sure you made it home safely after a date,
is not old fashioned,
There was this story on Instagram I saw the other day and I literally cried when I saw it. This young man was interested in this woman and although I don’t know the full story,
I don’t have too!
Simply the way he asked her out was enough for me to know he truly cares for her! Oneday, he walked her to her car, and after she’d gotten settled in he popped this big “Can I Court You?” sign out.
I read his post, and found out the brotha spent 4 whole hours making the sign alone.
His reasons were, “I just wanted it to be perfect for her.”
A few months after she said yes to being his girlfriend, she has now said yes to being his wife!
⭐️NOTE: Men always put forth effort for a woman they really like!
We as women settle for so many things when it comes to dating, but one thing we should never settle on is how we allow a man to treat us.
If he’s not being chivalrous towards you. (Or not even attempting), more than likely, he probably doesn’t think you’re worth the effort.
Think about it sis…
Do you think, a man who’s been waiting a long time to date a particular woman will just treat her any kind of way when she gives him the opportunity?
I guarantee! That man will be pulling all kinds of tricks out of his hat to make sure the woman he adores is impressed.
Please don’t settle for the okey dokey!
If a brotha is not answering when you call, treating you like an OPTION, and doesn’t mind letting doors slam in your face. Chances are, you’re not the one he wants to be with.
However, if it’s been years and he’s still treating you with tenderness & love, KEEP HIM sis!
Chivalry in a man is rare!
I’m out of here! I gotta head out to my girls Bridal Shower!
I hope you all enjoyed the blog!!
Until Next time!
Takyah Love 😘